If you truly love something let it go, if it comes back it was meant to be.
My biggest fear in life was falling in love.
Putting all my trust and worth into someone when they could just betray you in a second leaving you destroyed. Watching my parent’s divorce at a young age has a huge factor as to why I thought the way I did. Until the day this boy came into my life, everything changed. I broke through a wall that I had built up for so long and gave it my all.
Love is a crazy thing, and I do not regret one second we had together.
1. The “us against the world” story was really just a story.
I am not here to talk about how perfect my relationship was simply because it was far from perfect.
We had our fights, our disagreements, and our hurtful words to each other. But we also had amazing times together. Whether it was spending Friday nights at home making homemade pizzas with country music blasting or simply just having a movie night cuddling with the pups. I was on cloud nine when we were together.
Even on the hardest days after work and school, I knew I could always come home to a big bear hug and see that perfect smile on your face.
There was never a day that went by that I thought we would not be together forever. You were my go to, my number one, my person, and everything I needed in life. I could go on and on about how perfect you were in my eyes. After 4 years with someone it feels like you have become the same person, we grew together. It felt like you were a part of me that I never wanted to lose.
Falling in love is a very scary thing that I never thought I was capable of doing or feeling. But with you it was me and you and nothing else mattered.
2. The fallout in the days to come was worse than I ever thought possible.
As the days, weeks, months, and years went on, we faced new challenges but always knew how to get through it. Except for the summer of 2017, life seemed to get very hard. Things became very difficult. The fights became a regular thing, our stress levels were high, we simply lost each other.
You were entering your senior year of college and I was transferring to a new school to start a completely new major. A summer where we should be happy and celebrating the future turned into a summer of tears and heartbreak.
Our talks about the future we would have together seemed to fade. Talking, in general, seemed to fade. We both made mistakes, ghosts from the past were now haunting us and it was something that could not be fixed at that time. I started to realize that in situations like that, love is not always enough.
When I made the decision of us needing to go our separate ways, it was one of the hardest things I had to do. It was something I never thought I would have to do. I needed space from the toxins in the relationship and find myself again. I simply lost myself.
3. I can find happiness in myself.
Being with someone for that long, you tend to lose the happiness you have for yourself.
I found myself only finding happiness with things I did that revolved around us as a couple. I stopped being happy with myself and who I was as an individual. I thought it was impossible to be happy with something I did on my own unless he was there.
There were days where I did not want to live, I wanted to disappear from the world and I was completely okay with that.
But with him, I was the happiest girl in the world and that thought never went through my mind. That is not how anyone should be living their lives. In the end, all you have in this world is yourself. I could not be with someone who truly loved me when I could barely look in the mirror and love myself. It was unhealthy to not love myself.
4. I’m so thankful for you and what we had.
I thank God every day for the 4 years we got to spend with each other. I am thankful for the memories we made and all the laughs we had shared together. You were my first true love and will always have a special place in my heart.
I cannot thank you enough for loving me for who I am and always believing in me. I hope you too find happiness in yourself because you are an amazing person who deserves the world. For now, I need to start loving myself as much as you loved me.
I need to love the imperfections I have and accept the fact that I will never be the perfect girl I was trying so hard to be. I need to be me, Kaitlyn Pelak. Thank you for showing me that no matter what flaw I have, I will always be beautiful.
I do not know what the future holds, but I am thankful to know that no matter what happens you will always be there for me.
5. The next girl is lucky to have you, and I’m okay with that.
And if in the end we were not meant to be together, that’s okay. I hope you find a girl who loves you as much as I do and maybe even more. I know you will treat her like a Queen and do whatever it takes to see her smile. Make sure she loves eating, sleeping, and watching football as much as you do. Your happiness is what is most important to me. I wish you nothing but the best in this world, Andrew.
“Give people time.Give people space. Don’t beg anyone to stay. Let them roam. What’s meant for you will always be yours in the end.”