You Were Toxic And I’m Mad It Took Me So Long To Realize You Were Never Worth It

Waking up to you was a coin toss. You either made me extremely happy or made me feel incredible dread. You are the “up’s and down’s” personified and I’m starting to realize that you were toxic.

You are complicated beyond comprehension. I never understood how you could make my day or absolutely break it and I’m starting to think you enjoyed the control.

I’m starting to think you liked these mind games and loving you was starting to hurt more and more. I grew tired of the effect you had on me and I’m mad that I let you do that to me for so long.

Love is blind and it turns out that it was a lesson that took me months to learn, unfortunately.

I dreamt of waking up to the smell of coffee and smiles, but I woke up and worried about how you would be that day. I worried that you’d be mad about that dress I bought that had a low neckline, but I loved. I woke up, worried, and wondered if I would ever be enough to make you happy forever.

The days that turned out amazing weren’t worth it anymore because the stress you made me feel overpowered any bit of love I had for you.

You’re a game of chance that I played for too long. A game that felt never ending and I finally feel like I’ve reached the finish line. I finally feel like I’ve won this and I can now move on and still be able to find the happiness I know I deserve.

I’m angry that I was so oblivious. I’m upset that I’ve spent so many hours stressed and worried about you when all you ever worried about was yourself.

You were selfish and I realize now that you were never good enough for all the love I gave you. You were never good enough for my laughs and hugs and my kisses and I hope that all the negativity keeps you awake at night because I sleep good thinking about how better my days are without you.

By Ashlee Valentin for ThoughtCatalog