At a certain point, you stop looking for someone just to be your boyfriend and start looking for actual forever material — and those are way bigger shoes to fill. Anyone can find a boyfriend (even if it doesn’t seem like it), but finding a best friend you can legit spend the rest of your life with is worth the extra effort, even if it means waiting longer.
1. BOYFRIENDS ARE ENTRY LEVEL.
Sure, having a boyfriend is the first step in the process of making a forever kind of commitment, but partners are so much more than having someone to go out to dinner and movies with. Do your life goals align? Do you have the same outlook on having a family one day? So many of these variables go completely undiscussed until you’ve wasted years.
2. YOU’RE GOING TO MISS RED FLAGS.
If having a boyfriend is the only thing you’re concerned about, you’re going to miss a lot of critical points about him that will bother you down the road. Don’t ignore bothersome and BS behaviors you know you’re not going to be OK with forever just for the sake of having someone in your life.
3. LONELINESS ISN’T THAT BAD.
It’s easy to fall into a relationship with a guy when you’re feeling lonely. You might fill the void by settling for someone who’s good enough, but isn’t the best fit for you long-term. Loneliness isn’t really that bad. In fact, if you can get through those lonely spells without filling them with just any guy you come across, you’ll start thinking more rationally about dating moving forward. Sometimes being alone is the best way to truly hone in on what you want in a forever partner.
4. FOREVER IS A LONG ASS TIME.
Realistically, being with someone for the rest of your life is a pretty big deal — one that most people don’t actually think about logically. You get swept away in emotions, passion and chemistry until reality sets in that you’re actually two completely different people and you don’t actually mesh all that well. When you look at the guys you meet from a more relaxed place, you’ll be less likely to end up with a broken heart.
5. SOMETIMES IT’S “LUCK” AND SOMETIMES IT’S SETTLING.
Many people say they’re just “lucky” when they constantly find boyfriends so easily. It’s pretty rare that it’s actual luck, and more likely that they’re not really looking closely at the likelihood of life-long compatibility. They’re just settling for what’s happening in the moment.
6. COMMON VALUES AND LIFE GOALS ARE SUPER IMPORTANT.
Differences are good and opposites attract, but wanting the same things out of life is actually really important. When you date as an adult, it becomes less about just having someone to have fun with and more about having fun while sharing common goals, because you know without sharing the same views, the relationship potential is doomed to failure eventually.
7. IT TAKES TIME TO GET TO KNOW WHAT YOU WANT.
The truth is, when you actually start dating with a more logical outlook, you’ll date a lot less, but you’ll also date better matches for you. It takes time through trial and error of dating many different kinds of personalities to truly figure out what you want. Just because you get along well with a guy and have great sexual chemistry doesn’t mean he’s the guy you need to place into the boyfriend role.
8. IT’S NOT EASY, BUT IT’LL BE WORTH IT.
Dating might seem to be a lot more complicated when you get older, because you start looking at more variables, but it’s part of growing up and approaching relationships from a more honest place. Again, anyone can be your boyfriend, but it takes real thought and effort to form a relationship with someone you can truly be with for the rest of your life. Stop settling for less than you know you want.
By Andrea Wesley for Bolde