Why I’m Giving Up On Dating Until I Get My Act Together

Sometimes dating can be quite overrated, and I don’t know why everyone’s always so worried about it. Yeah, it’s great getting laid and all that, but you can do that without getting saddled with a S.O. Relationships can be a giant pain in the ass, and I know I won’t have a healthy one until I figure out some other stuff first.

1. I NEED LESS ON MY PLATE.

I have a hard enough time as it is keeping my life together. There’s so much to do and see and accomplish and plan, and a guy is just another person on the to-do list. I hate having to choose between spending time with my friends and my guy, or just getting my life done or seeing my boyfriend. It sucks. When there’s no boyfriend, that guilt is eliminated.

2. NO BOYFRIEND = BETTER FOCUS ON MY LIFE.

I have a lot that I want to accomplish. Whenever I’m in a relationship, all of my prior goals fall to the back burner. There just doesn’t seem to be time for them anymore 1 I’m too busy being in love and stuff. It’s convenient and easy to put the relationship first, and that’s what I do. It’s a problem, and it’s easily avoided by remaining single.

3. I’M NOT CURRENTLY CAPABLE OF A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP.

Since my last breakup, I’ve been doing a lot of work on myself. There’s tons of therapy and meditation and writing and self-exploration involved. I know I have a long way to go, and I don’t think that I’m where I need to be to have a good stable partnership right now. It’s easy to think that things are improving when you’re on your own and able to focus on fixing them. It can be quite another situation when you’re actually in the middle of the crap.

4. DATING TAKES UP TIME I’D RATHER USE ELSEWHERE.

I’m a busy woman. I have so much going on that I don’t have time to get it all done, let alone deal with a man around. I barely see my friends as it is. How will I have time to go on dates? There are so many other things I want to be doing. I’d so much rather have an evening I know will be enjoyable than risk going out with some guy I might not even like.

5. I WANT TO FIGURE OUT WHO I AM ON MY OWN.

It’s easy in a relationship to glom onto the other person’s interests and desires. It can be difficult after a while to maintain autonomy and make decisions based on your true feelings. Singlehood is a great time to get your act together and learn just who you are without someone guy you care about influencing it.

6. I NEED TO LOVE MYSELF FIRST.

You know that cheesy saying “you have to love yourself before you can love someone else”? We all make fun of it, but I know it’s true. I can’t truly give healthy and honest love to another person unless I love and value myself before that happens. If I’m confident, stable, and sure of my own identity, then I can engage in healthy loving commitment to another.

7. I DON’T WANT TO FALL BACK INTO OLD HABITS.

It’s so easy to pick up the same old patterns when it comes to dating. I think you’ve made all this progress, only to find that the strength of my tendencies supercedes anything new you’ve learned. It’s a struggle, and I have to be vigilant when monitoring what I do. It sucks, but that’s the only way to really change and improve.

8. I WANT TO CHOOSE THE RIGHT GUYS.

Yes, that’s plural. Just because I want to be happy and whole before I date again doesn’t mean that I’ll find The One right away. I’m hoping, though, that I pick good dudes who are more in line with what I really want and need. Often I’m so quickly infatuated that I overlook the truth of who someone is and make up who I think they are. Obviously, this leads to trouble. I want to pick guys who are at least suitable for me and compatible with my own interests and desires.

9. I NEED TO LEARN HOW TO DATE LIKE A NORMAL PERSON.

I’m that girl — the girl who never dates, then finally meets someone she likes and jumps in wayyyy too soon. I just get so excited I finally found someone who doesn’t suck! I also go a really long time without sex, and I just want to get it on already. This leads to all kinds of problems, though, and definitely isn’t worth it. I’ve never gone the normal route — going on dates, getting to know someone better, waiting to see if I really like him before I jump into bed with him. What a novel concept, eh? In today’s hookup culture it’s harder than ever to make this happen, but I’m determined to try.

10. I WANT TO BE IN A GREAT PLACE FOR MYSELF BEFORE I INVOLVE SOMEONE ELSE.

I think that I owe it to my potential future partner to be the best person I can be for myself so I can be that person for him as well. I would want the same in return, and it’s not really fair to ask for it when I’m not giving it. I know that this will make me happier, for sure, and him as well. If I can learn to be strong and confident and happy on my own, I’m more likely to be that way within a relationship too. I think that’s we all truly want, when it comes down to it.

By Amy Horton for Bolde