Every day we make choices. Do we go to the gym or eat a pizza? Do we go to happy hour with friends or have wine in a bubble bath? Do we go to work and spend the day adulting or do we Play hookie and sleep in?
Love is no different . Do you go on the date? Is it worth the chance of rejection? Do you keep dating the person with no sparks and risk being alone or cut it off and keep looking for the ever elusive love? But the most important choice you need to make is to choosing yourself. And you can only do that but letting go.
Letting go of the toxic people in your life that you hold onto, the people who never choose you and never will. Letting them go and choosing yourself, because you are worth it. They didn’t choose you. They’re not going to choose you. So why choose them? It stunts your growth; it stunts your progress; it stunts your ability to love, both yourself and others. It keeps you from seeing what was meant to be because you are too focused on what never will be. That’s the thing with toxic people. They are like leeches; they take and give nothing back and they will never stop until you cut them off and walk away.
They say you choose the love you think you deserve, and you deserve more. So believe that and choose more.
The boys who ghosted you didn’t choose you. They flirted and chatted, even took your time and attention. But when the next, new thing caught their eye, they moved on and left you wondering what happened. They didn’t even give you the courtesy of an explanation. They didn’t choose you, so don’t choose them. Don’t give them another precious minute of your time or lose another minute of sleep wondering what you did wrong.
The fake friends in your life don’t choose you, until they need you. They ignore you and never seem to have time to make plans with you until it suits them. They call at midnight for a shoulder to cry on and advice on their latest drama, and then, just as quickly, disappear back into their lives and routines with no time for you, even when you are in need of a shoulder to cry on. They only choose you when they need you, so why choose them? Choose to let them go and find real friends who are there in the good times and the bad. Choose to find friends that nurture and support rather than selfishly use and take.
The guy who uses you as a back up plan doesn’t really choose you. After a few dates years ago, you have watched as he got in relationship after relationship, just never with you. He will disappear on you like he never knew you, but like clockwork, when things go south, you get that text or snap or call. He chooses your attention like a placeholder until he finds a new lover, and you let him. You make yourself available, hoping that this time will be the time he realizes what he is missing out on and finally choose to be with you. But he doesn’t; he never will choose you. So choose yourself; choose your dignity and pride and let him go. Don’t be available, don’t even reply when he tries to use you to fill the void. Choose to allow yourself to be free to be chosen by someone who wants to make you their one and only choice.
The guy who puts you down and dims the light inside you doesn’t choose you. He only chooses you as possession to control. He chooses you on the condition that you do his bidding rather than chase your dreams. The only dream that he would have you live is the one that fulfills his needs and wants. He doesn’t really choose you, he enslaves you. Choose to live your dreams. Choose to follow your own path in the world until you finally meet someone who will challenge you and help you rise to new heights. Choose the one who aims to be your partner, not your master.
Your ex(es) aren’t choosing you. They did at some point, but they also choose to let you go. So don’t keep choosing them. Don’t keep choosing to hope that they will come back, choosing to try and repeat the past. It’s scary to be alone, it is. But putting yourself in the same unfulfilling situations will do more damage over time. It is time for you to choose your future and to let the past be just that, the past.
The boys that only choose you when it is convenient, that leave your messages on read, or your calls missed, and return days later with excuses like “sorry, fell asleep” are not really choosing you. Neither are the ones who say they want to choose you, but never put the effort into actually seeing you or talking to you and force you to always make the first move or send the first text. They are using you for your attention or body or whatever you will give. They aren’t choosing you, otherwise they would give your more than words. So don’t double text, demand some effort, and choose someone who will actually try as much as you do.
The ones who you think are choosing you, but don’t accept vital parts of your personality aren’t choosing you. They want parts of you, but they want to change the parts they don’t like. They make you feel guilty when you don’t like the same interests or don’t always want to do the same activities as them. They ignore your needs and expect you to give up the things that make you happy to make room for theirs: whether it be your friends, hobbies, alone time, etc. They choose the idea of you, but want it on their terms, without the things they consider “lame” or “a burden”. They want to mold you into what they think you should be to fit their needs, and they never stop to care what you need or want. But don’t let them! Choose to find someone who accepts all of you, someone who lets you be you and loves you even more for it.
It is never too late to choose yourself. There are few other choices more important than choosing to believe that you are worth more than settling for toxic, half-ass people. There is no better time than today for you quit choosing the users and losers and finally put yourself first. They haven’t chosen you this far, and let’s be honest, they are never going to choose you, and that’s alright. Be alright with that. Because when you choose yourself, it frees you up emotionally and opens you up to be chosen by the people you have always deserved to chosen by.
By Adam Morris for thoughtcatalog