Dear Love,
Why are you some complicated? Why are you such a mystery? You disguise yourself so well, in smiles and laughter and in promises…promises to be broken. You make knees go weak, hearts pound, butterflies fly and eyes go wide. You can last a lifetime, creating warmth and happiness and light. But then you can also create waterfalls, and cold, and darkness. You make the strong feel weak, and the weak feel on top of the world all in a matter of seconds. The hopeless chase you, the broken fear you. Songs are written about you, movies based on you. Fights ensue because of you and even some die for you. Some though… use you to play games with, to tease and toss the heart around and hurt the soul.
And despite all the harm you may cause, it’s you that everyone’s searching for. Some spend their entire lives never truly getting to know you, or even meeting you. They long to be held by your arms, safe and warm. To hear three short words. To feel like they’ve found their missing piece and are whole. Some think they’ve found you only to meet your twin Lust… A twin so similar that many end up broken by it and when they find you they think it will be the same and run. But some actually stay and realize who you truly are and realize how bad it’s been not knowing you. They learn that there is good in you and start to believe the heartache and heartbreak has been worth it.
Well. I don’t think you’re worth it anymore.
You’ve never stayed too long in my life and just when I think I’ve secured you for good, you’re gone. Yes you showed me what it was like to be cared for, to be longed for and to be happy. You and I have some amazing memories throughout the years. But yet you made me give my all when I got nothing back. You took over my body and made me stay when all I was doing was getting hurt by ones who only knew Lust. I kept telling myself every time a new one would appear that I wouldn’t let you take over. I never listened. You were too strong.
So to you I say…Please stay away. Please keep your intoxicating fumes and arms off. I don’t want to dance with you in the pale moonlight or kiss you under the stars or in the rain. I don’t want to feel you hold me close and tell me everything will be alright. I don’t want to feel your passion. I don’t want to be with you for a lifetime. I thought I wanted you but now… that want it gone. Because I’ll only ever expect you to run away and my heart can’t bear to be broken any more than it has been.
So instead, I’ll take the temporary happiness of Lust. I’ll take that temporary warmth from a quick smile, and the hollow darkness that follows from losing it. I’ll take the temporary rush from toying with you in another’s eyes. I’ll take the brief and fleeting over the permanent and long-lasting. Sure taking that temporary may hurt, but I would rather crack slowly than shatter instantly. I’ll take it all, and bear the consequences. I’ll build a wall, no a fortress around my heart. I’ll turn it stone cold, and bitter, black and dead. I’ll do it all to keep them away and keep them from getting hurt.
Because guess what.
I Never. Ever. Want to meet you again.
By Nicole Harrison for thoughtcatalog