Sometimes I feel like my mind can’t really comprehend the games, the mixed signals, the low investment and the tests we put each other through to make sure this is not just another heartbreak in disguise.
Sometimes my heart can’t understand the distance. After an amazing first date, after a deep conversation, after a beautiful night. My heart doesn’t operate that way. How could someone pull you so close only to push you away? How could someone have a great time with you and then fall off the radar for weeks?
Sometimes I don’t understand the excuses. Anyone can find a million reasons why something won’t work out but the beauty of solid relationships is that they stand the test of time. They survive all the different phases until everything falls into place because if we wait for things to be perfect all the time, we won’t get anything done. We won’t take any risks. We won’t really get anywhere in life if we keep waiting for the stars to perfectly align.
Sometimes I don’t know how we got here. How commitment is now something to fear, how people are now nothing but tools we use to experiment on, how disposable we’ve become to one other, how we simply walk away without saying a word because we don’t want to go through the hassle of confronting people. We don’t consider their feelings. We don’t put ourselves in their shoes. I don’t know how we’ve become so good at breaking hearts and not apologizing for it.
But sometimes, I hope that the day real love knocks on my door, it will be the most powerful force. It will be the kind of love that withstands the fickleness and flightiness of modern love. It will work regardless of all the options, the temptations and the excuses. It will be the kind of love that finds reasons to stay or the kind of person who is also tired of these games. The person who is looking for the old-fashioned kind of love. The kind of love that doesn’t walk away when things get hard. The kind of love that feels perfect in an imperfect world.
Sometimes I feel like modern love is not for me but I am certain that I’m not the only one and I’m bound to find that old soul who still wants to love one person forever in sickness and in health. Someone who wants to hold on, in a world where everyone lets go.