Why do words hurt so much? They are just words, right?
Humans have very successfully created a wonderful array of words over centuries to communicate effectively with one another so that we can keep pushing forward as a human race. When you look at it like this, it seems very logical right? So again, why do certain words and phrases hurt us so much and cause us complete and utter chaos? Well, the simple answer is that all humans with ever so complex brains, have naturally developed an association between certain words and phrases to certain types of emotions and experiences. Not only this, we have also successfully developed the ability to listen ones’ tone and view the body language illustrated whilst communicating such words.
If you were repeatedly put down as a child or a toxic partner for example, one can naturally associate the pain one experienced whilst these words were being spoken to that of words communicated by another in the present or future, this is regardless as to whether these words were being said directly by the original perpetrator or by another person entirely. Such words dictated or the manner that they are spoken in can then trigger a greater sense of failure and worthlessness beyond our level of thinking, which in turn can cause an undesirable level of stress over our minds and bodies.
Lyrics too can have a similar effect on our human emotions. Whilst one may listen to some music and feel quite upbeat and focus entirely on just the rhythm, another may absorb in the lyrics and associate these words to their individual experiences and emotions. I have several songs on my playlist that I can associate to a particular time or an event in my life, some of which contain lyrics that I can also relate to, thus triggering a wonderful array of emotions.
Words can never be retracted once spoken, nor can they be entirely dismissed. Our brain has the natural ability to absorb and store memories which include language, thoughts and feelings. We all have a very different and unique way of processing and storing this information and we can also chose how to act on this information given to us. We all have a choice as to whether to follow through on our words or dismiss these words entirely, this is precisely how our actions speak louder than words and how our promises are fulfilled by simply demonstrating exactly what we say and what we have learnt.
If we are so against of words being spoken to in such an unsightly manner, then why is it that we are so hard on ourselves? For example, I wouldn’t even dream of telling someone that they are worthless, not fit for any purpose or undeserving of any kind of love, yet I tell myself these things on a regular basis. This is precisely why words hurt me and in turn, I simply and quickly self-destruct. They are simply words, just words made up by a toxic person’s perception of me and yet I believe these words to be true when they are simply not. Words may very well be just words, but not only can they hurt others, they have the power and ability to hurt ourselves too.
By Victoria Jane for Her Blog