The problem with getting ghosted is you can never tell whether or not you are actually getting ghosted until it’s too late.
When you have a strong connection with someone, when you spend weeks texting them and they suddenly drop off the face of the planet, you assume there is a reason. You give them the benefit of the doubt. You remain patient with them.
After two or three days of silence, it’s tempting to reach out to the other person just in case. Just in case they forgot to answer your last message. Just in case they were too busy to get back to you the first time. Just in case their phone malfunctioned and they never even received your messages.
But as those days turn into weeks, as your two unanswered messages turn to five, as the realization sets in you have been ghosted, do not continue chasing after this person. Do not demand answers from them. Do not try to get closure. Do not continue texting them in the hopes they will change their mind about you.
They have already made their feelings clear. No answer is an answer. Their silence means they are not interested in you. It means they are not placing you as a priority.
If something outrageous has happened, if they have suffered from an accident or a loss in the family, then let them reach out to you. If there has been a misunderstanding, they will clear it up. Otherwise, they probably left on purpose.
Do not chase after someone who was happy to walk away without a goodbye. Do not waste too much time wondering where things went wrong because there is nothing you can do to change their mind about you. Some people will never notice your worth and that is not your fault.
After getting ghosted, it’s easy to think you were the problem. You might assume you weren’t cute enough for them. Or funny enough. Or rich enough. Or mature enough. The list goes on and on.
However, you have to remember that ghosting says more about themthan about you. Maybe they were not ready for a serious relationship. Maybe they were already seeing someone else. Maybe they were intimidated by you. Maybe they were unable to feel the same sparks.
Maybe they decided against saying goodbye because they knew they were leading you on, they knew they were going to hurt you by leaving, they know you wouldn’t take it well and they wanted to save themselves the drama.
In the end, it does not matter why they decided to leave. All that matters is you accept they are gone.
Even if they return one day in the future, loaded down with apologies, you should think your options through before welcoming them with open arms. Remember how much they hurt you the first time. Remember how easily they walked away. Remember how they were unable to see your worth even though you treated them with all your kindness.
When someone ghosts you, the best thing you can do is let them go, because there is someone out there who would never leave your side.
By Holly Riordan for ThoughtCatalog