Ever since I can remember, I’ve seen the world through wondering eyes. I believe the mere fact that we are alive is extraordinary. I’ve always had too many questions, too many thoughts, but not too many words. I usually keep to myself. It’s always been hard for me to open up because people are quick to judge before trying to simply listen and understand.
Ever since I can remember I’ve had a strong desire to build deeper connections with people, I crave relationships that feed my mind and soul. People I can relate to but also people who will teach me new things. I get bored easily, and if I’m not feeling someone, I simply cut them off.
Due to this, I was scared I was never going to truly fall in love with someone. Previous experiences left me with not only trust issues, but with reduced hope. Last year, without expecting it, I fell in love for the first time. I found someone who I felt easily comfortable with, someone who taught me so many things about myself in such a short amount of time, someone who taught me about love and pain all at the same time. I will say It is a beautiful thing when you feel like you can open up to someone and they value what you have to say.
Now that I’ve had that experience, I am certain that I am capable of loving and connecting with someone on a level I hadn’t experienced before. Being in love is the best feeling in the world, but being heartbroken is the worst. But from the falls you learn, and now more than ever I am sure of what I want in my future relationship.
I know that I want to be with someone who I can see a future with, someone who I won’t need constant reassurance from because their actions will speak louder than words, and it will be enough. I want someone I can grow with; I want us to become a team. I want us to expose our flaws and attributes to each other and value each one just the same. I don’t want the constant back and forth, the anxiety that comes from not knowing if they care or not, the overthinking, the mind games. I want someone who is willing to work through the ups and downs with me, someone who won’t claim to love me only when things are going good. Someone who won’t give up when things get hard. I want to fall in love with someone who is passionate about life, someone who has dreams and ambitions. Someone who isn’t afraid to lose the pride. I want someone who wants to get to really know me, someone I can spend hours talking to. Someone who will be proud to call me theirs. Someone who will listen and respect me.
Overall I want something real — not the perfect love story that we see in the movies, but rather a love that will become my home for life. Not perfect, not flawless, but worth it. I want a connection that goes beyond the physical. I want true commitment. No “I’ll text her in two hours because she took an hour to reply” and dependent, overly-attached kind of relationship. We already have our own demons to deal with; we don’t need more toxicity coming from a person who should be our partner.
I know, one day you and I will find our person and everything will fall into place. Personally, I am excited to meet him if I haven’t already. If you already think you found your person, then I hope you find it in your heart to love them more each and every day, and that you don’t let go.
By Vanessa Torres for ThoughtCatalog