If love exists only when shared, why is it so often unreciprocated?
How can I love you when you don’t love me? How can I feel so much for you and know that the feeling isn’t mutual?
We’re raised to believe that love is something ethereal — magical, even. We’re taught that love is something you mysteriously stumble on — as if destiny had a role.
In my experience, love itself is anything but mysterious. If anything, it’s the people in love who are mysterious.
Sure, the reasons why people love each other differ from person to person and couple to couple, but love itself stays just the same. Every time that love springs up between two people, it follows a similar pattern.
Of course, love has different depths. But love is unique because the people who experience love are unique.
Anyone can fall in love, but people don’t fall in love with just anyone. Your attraction to someone doesn’t come from what you do; it comes from who you are. Love feels so incredibly natural because we can’t pinpoint why exactly we love certain people. We just know we’re in love with the whole person — the whole package.
Sometimes you feel loved in return. Other times, it just doesn’t happen. The two of you could be amazing together, but the timing isn’t right.
Sometimes your partner doesn’t understand just how much you love him or her.
“He’d love me more if he really knew me,” you tell yourself, but that’s not going to happen if you don’t open up. By the same token, you can’t fall for someone who isn’t opening up to you.
Vulnerability allows us to create love. And if you aren’t being open, the person you love isn’t going to fall for you. I’ll grant that it is possible to make someone fall in love with you. You just can’t force it. It will take time and patience. It will also be hard, but it will also most definitely be worth it.
It takes time to build trust, and some people are less trusting than others.
The more heartbreak you’ve experienced, the less willing you’ll be to open up to someone new.
It’s not necessarily true that this person — the apple of your eye — isn’t willing to fall in love again. More likely, heartbreak has made this person more cautious about love.
If the two of you are compatible and open to falling in love, eventually you’ll be vulnerable with each other. And when you do that, you can truly fall in love.
If you wait it out and prove to your partner you aren’t going anywhere, this person will almost certainly fall for you eventually.
In the meantime, enjoy your time together.
Sometimes the timing just isn’t right. Sometimes we should focus on loving ourselves first.
It sucks, but sometimes we fall for people who simply aren’t capable or willing to love again. Sometimes the cuts and bruises are still healing, and we just don’t have it in us to be part of a loving relationship.
When this is the case, there isn’t much you can do besides wait. Be there for this person when he or she needs you, but don’t be pushy. Like I said above, it’s possible that, in time, the object of your desire will love you back. But this won’t happen if you’re too eager.
Because if you try to push this person into loving you, you’ll just push him or her away. In the end, love is a choice.
Waiting will hurt like hell, but you’re just going to have to do it.
If you don’t succeed, you can leave knowing you tried your best.
Sometimes we fall for people who will never love us back. It’s a horrible reality, but it’s reality nonetheless. Sometimes the stars won’t always align, and your love won’t always be reciprocated. C’est la vie.
But that’s okay. There are plenty of fish in the sea and plenty of love to be shared. At the very least, you can be sure that you gave it your all, did your best and waited as long as you could before you decided it was time to throw in the towel.
You’re going to need to let this person go and move on to someone who will return your love in full. I promise you that person is out there.
Having had this experience will only make you wiser. Because of it, next relationship might be the one that lasts forever.
By Paul Hudson for ThoughtCatalog