Thank you.
I don’t think you have any idea how lovely you are.
Part of your beauty lies in the fact that you’re simply ignorant of how remarkable it is that you exist in the world. I thought you were a dream, a figment of my imagination, someone I could only feebly hope to someday find. You make impossibility look simple.
For many years, love only meant pain to me. I’d heard that it was a remarkable experience with the right person, but I hardly believed in that possibility for myself. After a childhood surrounded by discordant, miserable couples, I had no idea what healthy love looked like or where to begin to build it.
Relationships used to be an interminable struggle. I flailed, inevitably sinking, attempting desperately to make it work with men who weren’t right for me. They never filled the void of insecurity and sadness inside me, and I couldn’t understand that it wasn’t their place to do so. It took hitting rock bottom to put in the necessary work to prepare myself for the love I so desired.
Trudging through the muck of my past was the most difficult feat I’ve ever attempted, but the journey brought endless satisfaction. I kept digging into the marrow of my dysfunction, determined to heal because I knew that was the only way to achieve actual happiness. I was so terribly weary of feeling worthless.
So I put in the effort, and I soon began reaping the rewards. Still, love evaded me. I tried not to mind because everything else in my life improved so drastically, but the darkest fissures of my heart yearned for someone to walk by my side through this unpredictably wondrous adventure. Sometimes I’d spend the dead of night screaming noiselessly into the blank void of my pillow, frustrated beyond comprehension, unable to verbalize my keen longing for my soul’s match.
Finally I made a leap long overdue and my life transformed. Suddenly I just knew it was time and I was truly ready for love. I had no idea when it would happen but the weight of hopelessness lifted soundlessly and I took a deep breath. You were coming for me. I had no more doubts.
Then one day not long after, you quietly slipped into my life with no pretense whatsoever. I met you and everyone else simply fell away. At first I tried to temper my excitement, to move forward with caution, to give others a chance … but I knew I was lying to myself. From the day I met you, none of them mattered the slightest bit. I barely had a choice in the matter. The universe finally brought you into my life because I was ready. There was no turning back, even if I tried my damndest to ruin it all.
But I didn’t, because I know enough by now to stop sabotaging magic when it enters my world. And you, my dear, are pure sorcery, concocted and kept aside to find me now that we’re both ready. I firmly believe that, because there’s no other earthly reason that someone else would not have snatched up your precious self by now.
So thank you. I cannot quite yet say all this to your face because I don’t know how to handle the strength of my joy, the tenacity of my emotions when it comes to you. I’m still afraid that you’re too good to be true, but here you are, showing up for me every single day whether I believe it or not. You bring forth surprised laughter from the depths of my gut and challenge my mind to overcome itself when I doubt my own way. I almost lost hope that anyone would ever understand me, and now here you are … matching me in every way I ever dreamed of and more. I’d think you were the most beautiful man even if you weren’t mine, but you are, and I’m overflowing with it.
My heart is open and not only do you accept it, you meet it with the tenderness and nurturing affection I always craved but never found before.
I’m keeping you. I hope that’s okay. I have a feeling you won’t mind.
By Amy Horton for ThoughtCatalog