Please listen to me.
It’s really frustrating, I know.
You’re frustrated with yourself, with the world, with the people all around you and you really have no idea why, but you do know, this isn’t you. Waking up every day, you feel unsatisfied with yourself and cannot figure out for the life of you what you’re missing. Everyone says college changes people into who they really are, but you feel this isn’t right.
You just aren’t yourself. You aren’t that happy, funny, bubbly girl anymore, but a more reserved homebody that once lived in the lively girl’s shoes.
The problem is, understanding that you don’t feel right and you are not who you used to be is easy. Once you see who you are now, it’s hard to stop seeing her. You live with the new you and you hate everything about her. You hate her hair, the way she laughs, how she feels, what she cares about… you just simply hate her for not being the girl that she used to be.
And WOW, does the new you have emotions. Passionate emotions. She’s angry like she’s never been before, and once she’s angry, it’s hard for her to just stop, breathe, and let it go like she used to. New you just wants to fight, but she also wants to cry and seclude herself. It’s foreign to old you, but all too familiar to the new you. Countless hours are spent in your room just being alone and being upset and being unsure of where this all came from. No matter what good is happening in your life, new you is still not fulfilled. Don’t get me wrong, new you can get happy, but that feeling only lasts so long until seclusion happens again.
So, new you sounds like a bitch. She sounds like she is just bringing you and everyone down and you can’t help but to feel the same way about her too! She’s argumentative, hates herself and is easily irritated by others, so why don’t you get rid of her?
Getting back the old you is hard especially when the new you is stuck in a mindset that doesn’t play games. New you only wants to see you fall, but has the old you really gone away?
The answer is no.
She lives in you when the new you is taking control.
She so desperately wants to be loved.
She craves her friends and family and significant others.
She hates being alone and wants to see the world.
But something is stopping her from resurrecting and overthrowing the new you…and it’s you.
You are fully capable of pulling yourself out of the rut you’ve found yourself in. See, the problem is you are so caught up in letting the new you run the “you” show. The show that is sad and unhappy and unwilling to leave the comfort of your own home, but the old you is ready to get back on stage with just a little push.
Through the love of your friends, you can find the true you again.
Through prayer, you can find the true you again.
Through pushing yourself to go for your dreams and make them a reality, you can find the true you again.
Through letting go of your past and the people who left you in theirs, you can find the true you again.
With a little perseverance and keeping your eyes on who you want to be once again, you can get back to feeling like the old you. Keep on, keepin’ on.
By _haleyweis for theodysseyonline