People always come up with reasons why a relationship or love fails. People want there to be something beyond their control, which they can complain about with their friends over cocktails, as to why their big love just fizzled out in the end. People want the romantic story, the drama of it all, the tortured hearts and pining souls. They really want to believe that it’s the timing that is off, not their feelings for each other.
They want to tell each other and the world, “if only we had met in a different place or time, when we were different people with different lives and priorities, maybe then, we could be everything I know we would be. Maybe then, this would work.”
But the truth is, love doesn’t worry so much about time.
Love doesn’t stop being love because things are complicated. Feelings don’t stop burning inside you like fireworks just because you both have other priorities, or your lives are a little messy. That intense need to be beside each other doesn’t just grow to a dull ache because it might be hard work. Love is not confined to now, to yesterday, to one day maybe in the future when it’ll be easier. Love does not even wait for one relationship to end before it sets in. Love does not know bounds or limits or imaginary dates when things might work out.
I know only because time was my reason once. Time was the thing I cursed late at night when I ached for his voice or a simple text. Time was the excuse I repeated over and over until it choked me. Time was why we couldn’t be, time was the bitch. It wasn’t him, wasn’t me, wasn’t our fear to just throw caution to the wind and let the chaos sweep us up. Time was why he didn’t reply, time was why I deleted his number, time was why I had to ignore, erase, forget.
Time was why we couldn’t be, it had to be.
It was easier that way- to remove ourselves from the situation. To convince myself on those nights when it hurt so much, I couldn’t breathe, that it was just time. But here we are, three years later, talking marriage and babies and growing old together. Because eventually, we realised that no amount of bad timing could ever stop us from being together. Because wading through the shit together, healing each other, being patient and understanding and just driving that extra hour to feel our bodes entangled, was better than not. It was so much better than looking back in ten years time and thinking,’ if only the timing had been different.’
Because love doesn’t wait for time. Because clocks don’t reset. Because an hour lost is one you never get back. Because you should not have to see someone’s face in a photograph and tell yourself and your friends that they were the “one who got away.”
Real love doesn’t let people disappear; it doesn’t let the unfortunate timing of the universe stop two people from ending up together. Because people always find their way in the end, people who are meant for each other, will ride through storms and packed out tubes and delayed flights and every single obstacle put in their way, to be together.
Time does not stop those souls who were made for each other.
So, I hate to break it to you. I hate to be the one to throw fire at this beautiful story you’ve created. I hate to be the screaming voice in the back of your mind but the timing isn’t bad, it isn’t off, it isn’t a reason to not be with someone. It isn’t the world’s cruel way of stopping two halves of a whole from being together.
So find another reason, another excuse, find something else to curse on those long nights when you miss their smell and the warmth of their body.
Or maybe just accept you weren’t meant to be, maybe just tell yourself that they weren’t your big love, they weren’t the person who stopped time, stopped it mattering, stopped it from coming between you both.
Tell yourself, he wasn’t your person, but someone else will be.
By Rose Goodman for ThoughtCatalog