Conventional dating wisdom pretty much claims that women think with their heads and their hearts while men think with their man-parts. But new research from Johns Hopkins University suggests that when it comes to sex, this couldn’t be further from the truth!
According to a study published in the Journal of Adolescent Health, the majority of sexually satisfied men also possess a high amount of empathy, meaning that most guys would rather put your needs before their own. So ladies, your beau deserves a little more credit when it comes to bedroom activities.
Take that, naysayers.
Researchers at the Johns Hopkins Bloomberg School of Public Health looked at surveys from 3,200 participants. They answered questions designed to measure autonomy, self-esteem and empathy. Unsurprisingly, 87 percent of men reported having orgasms most of the time during sex, compared to 47 percent of women. However, it also turns out that more men reported giving oral sex than women.
In fact, researchers told LiveScience that young men are more likely than women to consistently relish acts in which the goal is to satisfy their partner. Do you know what this means? The more giving your man is in bed, the better the sex (and your love life) will be.
The researchers also measured the participants’ sexual satisfaction against the level of control they felt they had during sex and how it made them feel. They based this on the frequency of orgasm as well as the overall enjoyment of giving and receiving oral sex.
Ready for a shocker? They actually found that while women with high amounts of these traits reported better sex lives, only empathy made a positive difference in the sex lives of men.
Wait, there’s more. Autonomy contributed to frequency of orgasm—while higher self-esteem was correlated with enjoyment of giving oral sex—but neither led to better sex in general. So your man’s sensitivity to your needs essentially “initiates a positive feedback cycle,” meaning that your response to his generosity motivates him to please you again and again.
And again.
Empathy isn’t simply about being sensitive, though. Take this, for instance. A person who is easily offended might be sensitive, but he’s not necessarily empathetic. True empathy means being able to understand and respond to someone else’s emotions and perspective.
You can identify with their struggles, their joys, and with their anxieties. So the next time you try gauging a guy’s sexual prowess, focus less on his swagger and more on his ability to listen and open up.
By Denise Ngo for YourTango