She overthinks the texts you send her. The snaps in your stories. The photos on your Instagram.
She overthinks everything that you say and do, because so many boys have tricked her before. They’ve made her believe that they were interested, and then they’ve turned around and said that they weren’t ready for a relationship, that they were only looking for some fun, that there was already another girl in their life.
That’s why she doesn’t want to make assumptions. She’s afraid that she’s going to make the wrong ones. That she’s going to imagine a future with you and then you’re going to yank the fantasy away.
She overthinks, because she’s afraid to get cocky.
She overthinks, because it’s hard to read boys that refuse to tell her how they feel.
She overthinks, because she’s been hurt too many times in the past and isn’t ready for it to happen again.
She’s trying to protect herself, which is why she’s going to think about all of the possible scenarios. That you want to date her. That you want to use her. That you want to destroy her. That you don’t want her at all.
She needs to keep an open mind. She can’t let herself get attached to the idea that you want her, because if she does, you won’t break her heart gently. You’ll shatter it, without even realizing that it happened.
That’s why she’ll analyze why you said ‘hello’ instead of ‘hey’ like you usually do. And she’ll put on her detective hat to solve the mystery of who the girl in your newest profile photo is instead of asking you. She’ll spend hours of her time trying to figure you out.
Of course, she does more than overthink the moves you make. She overthinks everything that she does around you.
She overthinks the words in her texts, because she doesn’t want to look too eager, too desperate, but she doesn’t want to seem like she doesn’t give a crap about you, either.
She overthinks what she wears, because she doesn’t want to look like she’s trying too hard to impress you, but she doesn’t want to look like she’s too lazy to do her makeup and run a comb through her hair.
She overthinks what she posts to social media, because she’s worried that you’ll see it and will judge her before getting to know her better.
She understands that flirting is a fragile concept. That she could say one little thing that could chase you away forever. That one tiny mistake could cost her another relationship.
She wishes she could be herself around you, but she’s so scared that she’s become a censored version of herself. She’s trying to expose enough of her soul to keep you interested, but not enough to send you running.
You need to understand that she doesn’t want to overthink everything. She wishes she could listen to the advice her friends give her and go with the flow. But that’s not the way she’s wired.
She’s wired to think. To try to make sense of feelings, of the world surrounding her.
But is that really such a bad thing?
After all, she overthinks everything, because she actually cares about you. Because you actually matter to her.
Because she has a huge heart that loves wildly.
By Holly Riordan for ThoughtCatalog