Are you surprised?
Whenever I hear someone say they were “going at it” all night long, I feel exhausted and sore by proxy. The thought of being jack hammered for hours would pretty much obliterate any and all desire, and possibly turn me off sex forever.
But it seems as if other people enjoy endless sessions of intercourse, and believe it’s the only true to path to sexual happiness.
But according to a study of North American sex therapists, the amount of time of desirable sex breaks down like this: 1 to 2 minutes is too short, 3 to 7 minutes is adequate, 7 to 13 minutes is desirable, and 10 to 30 is too long.
Researcher Eric Corty said he hoped to ease the minds of those who believe “more of something good is better, and if you really want to satisfy your partner you should last forever.”
But nothing lasts forever, especially penetrative sex. Sex therapist Barry W. McCarthy says, “Very few people have intercourse per se [Latin for by thrust] that goes longer than 12 minutes.” In an article in Esquire, McCarthy suggests slowing things down by having nonintercourse sex, which includes oral sex, whole body touching, and playing with toys.
Author Rachel Hills writes in her book, The Sex Myth, “Recent studies have reported a median time of between 5.4 and 7.5 minutes, suggesting that men may be adapting their sexual behavior to better fit the sexual ideal.”
According to Hills, todays sexual expectations are tied to a myth that sex is “more special, more significant, a source of greater thrills, and more perfect pleasure than any other activity humans engage in.” Women feel as if they have one orgasm after another, and men feel as if they have to go harder and last longer.”
Really, though, we need to stop putting so much pressure on ourselves and stop trying to compete in an imaginary quest for perfect sex. Good sex — or as McCarthy puts it, Good Enough Sex — recognizes among satisfied couples the quality and type of sex that varies from day to day.
It’s all about being flexible and not having unrealistic expectations about the length of desirable sex. Kanye may be able to go at it for 40 minutes, but that’s definitely not the norm, nor should it be.
By Christine Schoenwald orginal post on YourTango