I didn’t worry too much about meeting the right guy immediately when I was younger. I thought it would happen in time and I had plenty of it. Now I’m in my 30s and single again and I realize that I should’ve found a good guy then and snapped him up! This is why I’m freaking out:
1. MY DATING POOL SHRANK BEFORE I EVEN NOTICED.
I was in a serious relationship for a couple of years and then I was taking my time to recover from the breakup. When I was finally ready to date again, I looked around and realized that I had a serious problem. Everyone I meet is either married, in a committed relationship, or someone I don’t want to date. Yikes.
2. ALL THE GOOD GUYS I KNOW ARE TAKEN NOW.
I used to know tons of great dudes. Somewhere along the way, they all got snapped up and the ones who aren’t don’t seem to be all that great. I know there have got to be awesome single guys out there, but the number is definitely smaller than it was when I was younger.
3. IT’S NOT LIKE BEFORE—MOST PEOPLE ARE CAUGHT UP IN SERIOUS RELATIONSHIPS.
Before, people broke up all the time. Nothing seemed all that permanent. Now all around me I see people who want to be settled down already. I’m the opposite—I’m just now finding my individuality and freedom and looking for another free spirit. Go figure.
4. EVERYONE I KNOW IS GETTING MARRIED.
Granted, my friends back home have been married forever. Some of them are even divorced or remarried. It’s not the same out here in the big city —people take a little longer to make it official. Now I’m at the age where even my friends here are getting married and having kids. I feel like the odd man out because I don’t want a family.
5. THE ONLY VIABLE GUYS ARE YOUNGER OR DIVORCED.
Okay, that’s not entirely true, but it’s the majority. The younger dudes haven’t committed to anyone yet but I don’t have a lot in common with most of them. I don’t have an issue dating a divorced guy—at least I know he’s able to commit. On the other hand, the older we all get the more baggage we all have.
6. DATING A GUY WHO IS DIVORCED AND/OR HAS KIDS IS A WHOLE DIFFERENT BALLGAME.
There are definitely different issues that a divorced guy brings to the plate—an ex-wife, for instance, and perhaps alimony or other legal issues. If he has kids, I hate to say it, but that’s a dealbreaker for me. I don’t want kids and I don’t particularly want to take care of someone else’s. This narrows my dating pool even more.
7. MEN MY AGE OR OLDER ARE STILL SINGLE FOR A REASON.
Yes, I’m still single too, and that’s also for a reason—I won’t settle for just any guy. Maybe these guys are picky too but unfortunately, all too often there are different reasons for their perpetual bachelorhood. Sometimes they don’t really want a committed relationship, maybe they aren’t emotionally available, or maybe they’re married to their jobs.
8. ALSO, MOST MEN MY AGE OR OLDER WANTED TO START A FAMILY YESTERDAY.
I initially thought that I should date older men because if they’ve reached a certain age and don’t have families yet, maybe they are like me. Maybe they want freedom instead of kids. What I’ve found more often is that they were so invested in their careers that they didn’t notice how the years slipped by. Now they’re looking to start a family immediately.
9. IT’S SO TOUGH TO FIND AN AVAILABLE MAN WHO SHARES MY INTERESTS.
I’ll be the first to tell you that I’m looking for something very specific and I know it won’t be easy to find a man who fits the bill. I don’t even know where to meet them, to be honest. I guess I should just go sit out in the woods until I find my mountain man. Usually, when I do meet guys who pique my interest, they’re with their significant others.
10. I MEET SO FEW POTENTIAL OPTIONS THAT I’M STARTING TO GENUINELY WORRY.
It could be a problem perpetuated by the area I live in, but what if it’s not? I worry that I’ll move somewhere new only to encounter the same issues. I simply don’t click with a lot of guys. I never have, which is why I get overly excited when I meet someone I like.
11. SOMETIMES I’M TEMPTED TO JUST GIVE UP AND SETTLE.
I’ve never been one to give up on my standards, but I’ll admit the thought crosses my mind. I’ve definitely settled in the past and it was terrible, but I feel like now all my viable options have passed me by while I wasn’t paying attention. I am afraid that the longer I hold out, the more I’ll have to settle later on.
12. I MIGHT HAVE TO ACCEPT MY FATE AND DIE ALONE.
I definitely want to find an amazing partner, but I know not everyone gets that in life. I’d rather be on my own than with someone I don’t love deeply, despite the scared little voice in my brain that tells me to settle sometimes. The older I get, the less certain I feel that I’ll meet my person eventually. It might not happen.
By Amy Horton for Bolde