I get really tired of people telling me that my bad luck in dating is because I’m choosing the wrong guys. My selection process isn’t the problem — I date all kinds of different guys. I don’t have a type; I look for a genuine connection. The only problem that exists in my dating life is that I’m dating in an era I wasn’t prepared for. I grew up with the old-school belief that real love exists and is worth waiting for. Unfortunately, dating is such a crap show these days that I’ve had to kiss way more frogs than I intended to.
1. PEOPLE DON’T MEET BY CHANCE AS OFTEN ANYMORE.
I try and make eye contact to engage in conversations with guys I come across in the real world but they’re either staring at their phone or too caught up in their own little bubble to notice. Most of the guys I come across anywhere these days have someone in their phones that they’re texting, dating or sleeping with because our options are now unlimited because of technology. It’s hard to compete with.
2. SMARTPHONES HAVE MADE IT EASY FOR GUYS TO BEHAVE LIKE COWARDLY LOSERS.
When I date a guy and he’s not feeling it, he simply stops contacting me. It’s literally that simple now, and yes, it’s a jerk thing to do. He could have totally been a nice guy and ended things respectfully, with real conversation and reasoning, but why would he? He has the ability to simply ignore my existence now because the tiny device in his pocket makes it easy to do so. It blows.
3. SOCIAL MEDIA HAS PEOPLE LIVING IN A FANTASY.
It’s hard to stand out as a catch when the world is literally at our fingertips. We see all kinds of people in a very short span of time simply by looking online. With hundreds of perfectly Photoshopped pictures and carefully written profiles, guys think they’re capable of getting so much more. Even if sometimes it could be true, it still greatly limits the chances that a guy is truly going to take the time to get to know me. He only sticks around long enough for the next woman to pop up on his screen.
4. EVEN THE NICEST GUYS CAN GET SEX SO EASILY THROUGH ONLINE DATING.
Even the guys who are seemingly sweet and genuine are easily turned into sex-addicted monsters who stop respecting the great parts about relationships. Instead, they’ve figured out they can do less and still gets the perks of sex without the commitment. It’s hard looking for real love when hookup culture is more alive and thriving than ever.
5. THE DEFINITION OF CHIVALRY HAS CHANGED BIG TIME.
It’s extremely rare to come across a guy who actually picks you up by coming right to your front door. Instead of a proper start to a date, we get a text from the driveway. Instead of a phone call to ask how our day was, we get a cryptic 20 character sentence in a text message which we can’t help but dissect. Instead of sweet and romantic words, we get Facebook likes and emojis. Instead of flowers, we get penis pictures. The list goes on.
6. SEX IS MORE COVETED THAN LOVE.
Because sex is so rampant and easily available, it seems like a lot of guys don’t even know how amazing love is anymore. Being blissfully happy with one person and working towards building a life together through the good and the bad isn’t nearly as prized as the convenience of having someone over for a couple drinks and a movie which quickly turns into a meaningless hookup followed by an Uber ride home.
7. THERE’S A HUGE LACK OF HONESTY NOW.
In my five years of being single, I can count on one hand how many guys have ended things honestly and thoughtfully and that number is very small in comparison with the experience I’ve had with dating over the years. If I confront a guy for treating me like crap or dating other women when we’ve been dating for a while and I’ve been loyal AF, he stops responding. If he doesn’t like me anymore, he stops responding. If he meets someone new, he disappears. Please, tell me more about how I’m choosing the wrong guys and not that this generation of dating isn’t completely screwed up.
8. THERE’S NO MYSTERY ANYMORE.
Social media makes it super easy to research and find out about the person you’re dating or are interested in very quickly. Instead of the old-school way of getting to know a person (in person) and learning about their actual character presence, we’re judged so easily based on a few clicks, pictures and personal sharing. No one even gives a crap about learning about the other parts of me. Guys have judged me at face value plenty. It’s exhausting.
9. GUYS HAVE A WAY BIGGER DATING POOL NOW.
There’s no way to explain the frustration that comes along with knowing that even if I’m having a great time dating and getting to know a guy and we seem to be perfect for each other, it probably won’t work out. I know that if I’ve met him online or even offline in real life, he’s more than likely talking to another woman — if not, he’s at the very least still scanning his other options. It’s a painful reality that never seems to end.
By Andrea Wesley for Bolde