I have a habit of caring about other people more than they care about me. I have been guilty of sacrificing time and energy for loved ones who took my kindness for granted. There have been a million times when I wished I was tougher, when I thought life would be easier if my selflessness turned to selfishness.
Despite the problems my soft heart has given me, I will never stop being the nice girl. The girl who speaks from the soul. The girl who goes out of her way for loved ones. The girl who cares about everything and everyone.
I could never be the girl who doesn’t give a shit — and I am finally okay with that. I am okay with how loudly I love. I am okay with how vulnerable I allow myself to act in front of strangers. I am okay with giving affection that may never be returned.
I am not the problem. The people who abuse my kindness are the problem — and I am not going to allow them to change me. I am not going to become cold and heartless out of fear of getting hurt again.
I am optimistic. I see the best in people. I want to believe this world is a beautiful place. My positivity might cause me to get trampled upon from time to time, but it could be worse.
Personally, I think it would be worse to hate everyone, to complain constantly, and to only focus on myself. I wouldn’t want to live a life of isolation like that. I want to give. I want to share. I want to spread happiness because most people need that. They need a smile from a stranger. They need a compliment from a friend. They need assurance from a loved one.
I might come across as clingy or desperate or overly dependent but I do not care about that anymore. I would rather risk coming on too strong than risk having someone feel unloved and unappreciated because I kept my kindness to myself.
I know that some people find authenticity overwhelming, but I find it attractive. I would rather have someone text me twice in a row than leave me on read for a full week. I would rather have someone ask me to hang out over the weekend than to act like they are too busy to see me. I would rather pursue someone who shows interest than someone who shows their main priority is themselves.
I am no longer going to feel ashamed of my vulnerability. I am going to embrace my emotions, even if that means enduring more pain.
I will never stop being the nice girl, no matter how many times I end up in one-sided relationships and have my heart broken.
I will never stop being the nice girl, even when society tries to pressure me to keep my emotions to myself.
I will never stop being the nice girl, because I am proud of who I am.
By Holly Riordan for ThoughtCatalog