If he says he isn’t looking for a relationship, he isn’t
From the beginning of the romantic comedy movie genre, there has been a leading lady that is able to nab and somehow change the bad boy. Unfortunately most romantic comedies aren’t based on true story events, but that doesn’t mean that life doesn’t try to imitate art. I found myself in college falling for guy after guy that blatantly told me that I was nothing but fun.
They had no plans for a relationship and certainly loved not being tied down to anyone. I convinced myself that if I stuck around long enough and planned activities where they would get to know me, they would change their minds. We all hope to be that girl, the one that the guy wants to change their ways for. What really ended up happening is that had all the fun with me, activities great nights out, said all the right things and at the end of it all when I asked “what are we?” their faces looked like they saw a ghost.
They had no idea that was coming; “the talk” was never something on their minds because they had made their intentions known from the beginning.
My advice is to stay away from situations like this if you know you are a relationship person. Even if he tells you he only wants fun, and you think for a minute that you could just have fun too. Don’t do it. Chances are you will still fall and will still want more because you know you deserve more. The phone call, the romance, you want it so don’t agree to something less then what you need.
If a relationship isn’t on his mind, you won’t be the one to put it there, leave him for someone else and move on even if it means staying on your own.
If he isn’t calling, he doesn’t want to talk to you
So he said he would call this weekend. That “sure we can do something together; I’ll give you a call.” So Friday you turn down a movie with friends, eating gelato and binging Gilmore Girls. Saturday you wait at home again convincing yourself that would really wanted to catch up on laundry, all the while watching your phone.
Your phone dies Sunday afternoon for an hour without you knowing, you panic that this could have been this moment he called. It wasn’t, you know that, but you call him just to make sure, only to get the voicemail. Days go by and you wonder what happened, should you call to check in and make sure he is ok? In the past in this situation I would have called or text giving him the benefit of the doubt that something could have happened. With woman there could be many reasons why we didn’t call. The bottom line is if he wanted to talk to you he would call you.
How we rack our brains about why and what if, but it’s simple. If someone is interested they will call. They can drop as many excuses as they want. Their phone was dead for four days, they didn’t get your messages or my favorite “oh I swear I called, you didn’t get the message?” He is trying to make you question yourself and throw the ball back in your court. The unfortunate truth is he didn’t care then and he never called.
You plan your dates, he doesn’t want to try
It is very easy to believe at first that women planning the dates are all in our favor. You’ve met those guys. They ask you out on the dating website you are on, after a few weeks of talking, you seem to really connect. So when he finally asks you if you want to meet up, insisting that you pick the restaurant and time, you assume that it’s because he likes you so much he wants it to be your choice.
That’s all good and well the first couple dates, but when he starts getting lazy. Sure he will agree to meet up, but you need to plan it all. What activity, what movie, it should probably be closer to where he lives because he slid in that he has to be at work earlier then you do. At this point you offer to pay to tests the waters and he lets you. Some voice in your head tells you that the situation is weird, but you think it’s something you can change.
You try to put him in charge when the fifth date comes, dropping hints about what you want to do and that it would be fun if you traded off every other planning the dates. You show up at his place for eight like planned to find him on the couch in sweats watching you tube videos with his roommate. He ignored all your date ideas and decided to stay in in his room of course because his roommate is having friends over.
If your little voice isn’t setting off flare guns at this point, she is broken and might need oil change. He was never planning to put in the effort, unless orchestrated by you your relationship would be the epitome of Netflix and chill.
Women live in color, sometimes we like the chase, to test men and to play hard to get. We are the talkers and our feelings are deep. It isn’t safe to use how a women would be thinking and acting when it comes to the dating world. Men live in black and white. What you see is probably what you get. Don’t get sucked in to believing if you just tried a little harder he would be yours.
By Kara Anne