Friends aren’t supposed to sleep in the same bed together, chest to back, cuddling as close together as possible.
Friends aren’t supposed to joke about dating each other in a way that is clearly not a joke.
Friends aren’t supposed to kiss each other on the lips and then act like it never happened afterward because even if they spoke about it, they aren’t sure exactly what they would say.
Friends aren’t supposed to come this close to becoming something more.
I have no idea why we keep pretending we are only friends because it’s obvious we have strong feelings for each other. There is sexual tension whenever our arms brush against each other, whenever we hug each other, whenever we are alone in a room together.
You get jealous whenever I mention someone else. You text me all the time. You send me shirtless snapchat selfies. You compliment me on my hair, my style, my eyes. You are clearly attracted to me — and I am extremely attracted to you.
I want more than friendship from you. I want romance. I want a real relationship.
We already behave like we are dating. All our friends can see it. They keep asking when we are going to get together, because the chemistry is obvious to everyone. They know we belong together, so why do we keep denying it? Why do we keep playing this game where we never admit our real feelings?
I am tired of dropping hints I’m interested in you, but never saying the words aloud because I’m worried they will ruin our friendship. I am sick of telling myself today is the day I’m going to make a move and then running away scared when I get the chance. I don’t want to keep acting like you are just another one of my friends when we both know you mean so much more to me.
Friends don’t flirt with each other the way we do. They don’t hold hands all night long and hypothetically talk about dating and find any excuse possible to touch each other. They don’t look at each other the way we do. They don’t feel the way we do.
I know you like me as more than a friend and I feel the same way — so what are we waiting for? Why are we still lying to ourselves?
There’s a part of me that is worried you aren’t looking for a relationship. That you like hanging around me casually, but would never want to do it as a couple. That you are only flirting with me for the fun of it, because you think it’s harmless and doesn’t mean anything to either of us.
I’m worried about telling you how I feel about you and seeing if you feel the same way, because I don’t want to lose you. But I don’t want to continue pretending to be just your friend either.
I want more. I want every little piece of you.
By Holly Riordan for ThoughtCatalog