Our generation of women has gotten very good at settling for less than we deserve. Everyone says that boys will be boys and you can’t change a man and for some reason, we’ve internalized this and started taking whatever scraps were thrown our way. Enough is enough. Every woman deserves more than a halfway kind of love—yes, that includes you.
1. IF HE DOESN’T WANT TO COMMIT, HE’S NOT WORTH YOUR TIME.
There’s someone out there who will put you first, give you the world, and appreciate you for all that you are. If you’re with a guy who’d rather be with his buddies 24/7 or insists on keeping the relationship undefined, walk away. You don’t do anything halfway so why on earth would you be someone who does?
2. YOU SHOULD KNOW EVERY DAY EXACTLY HOW MUCH YOU MEAN TO HIM.
More than just saying, “I love you” and picking up the tab, the right man will remind you constantly that you’re one of the best parts of his days. If you go to sleep at night feeling like you’re his second choice, you probably are. You deserve to be his first thought every morning and his last every night.
3. THE RIGHT MAN WILL LOVE YOU INTENSELY AND CONSISTENTLY.
Not just when things are going right but when they’re going wrong too. Life isn’t perfect and you’re going to fight, even with the best kind of guy. Still, if he’s the right guy for you, you’ll know that he loves and respects you even when you disagree. If that’s not the case, you have to move on.
4. PEOPLE CAN CHANGE, BUT ONLY IF THEY WANT TO.
No matter how hard you try, you won’t be able to change a guy who is defiantly set in his ways. If he doesn’t acknowledge that there’s a problem and isn’t personally intent on becoming a better man for you (and himself!) and giving his all, it’s never going to happen. That’s not to say it’s not possible, but it has to come from him, not you.
5. DON’T BE AFRAID TO SPEAK YOUR MIND—IF HE’S WORTH YOUR TIME, HE’LL LISTEN.
Too many women don’t share how we’re feeling and what we’re thinking, either because we don’t think what we have to say has value or because we’re afraid of being shut down. Screw that. A guy who’s actually worth your time will care about your thoughts and feelings and react to them accordingly. If he’s not invested in you, don’t offer him any more of your time or energy.
6. THE IDEA THAT WOMEN SHOULD GIVE MORE THAN WE TAKE IS A DANGEROUS DOUBLE STANDARD.
Can you imagine a world in which a man was expected to bend over backward to be there for his girlfriend or wife but it was socially acceptable for her to give half her effort and never truly commit? Of course not! If that would never be reasonable, why is it fair the other way around? Everyone deserves to be with someone who’s fully in. If they’re not, they’re out.
7. WOULD YOU LET SOMEONE YOU CARE ABOUT SETTLE FOR LESS THAN THE BEST?
We’ve all had that friend who sticks with a crappy guy that clearly doesn’t care enough about her, and we’ve all tried to convince her to leave. And yet, when we’re in the situation ourselves, we can’t seem to take our own advice. It’s easy to make excuses and promises like, “If he does or doesn’t do X, I’ll leave,” but the reality is, if we wouldn’t let someone we love stand for that behavior, we shouldn’t either.
8. YOU’RE ONE OF A KIND AND IF HE CAN’T SEE THAT, FORGET HIM.
Being with you is a privilege and you need someone who appreciates that. If he’s only putting in half his effort and clearly not willing to give more then he doesn’t understand how lucky he is to be with you. Go find someone who not just inspires you to be better, but uses your support to improve himself too. He’s out there somewhere.
9. WHEN YOU ACCEPT A HALFWAY KIND OF LOVE, YOU SELL YOURSELF SHORT.
It’s true that we accept the love we think we deserve, so once you realize what you’re worth, you won’t be able to settle for someone who isn’t giving their all. You’re worthy of the best things this life has to offer, and that includes a committed guy who’s all-in to love you the hardest and best he possibly can.
10. UNTIL YOU KNOW WHAT YOU DESERVE, YOU CAN’T EXPECT TO FIND IT.
Understanding what your standards are is an important first step to finding a soulmate. You’re going to have to go through some crappy relationships in order to figure out what you truly need, but once you realize who you’re looking for, don’t stop until you find him. The right man will give so much of himself that you won’t spend a single day wondering if he’s giving you all he’s got. And that’s exactly how it should be.
By Ashley King for Bolde