I wish I would have known better.
I remember crying. Everyday. Every night. My heart was ripped to shreds. I called. I texted. I did anything and everything I could to get you to talk to me, I was a fool. You say I broke your heart, but do you have any idea how many pieces you shattered my heart in to?
If I knew better, I would’ve done better.
I wish I would have never fought for you. I wish I never would have put forth so much time and effort into somebody who would so quickly forget about me. I counted all the days that you would come back. I was stupid.
I remember the nights where we would talk for hours about our day, our goals, songs, everything. I remember laughing, crying, and smiling from text messages and snap chats you would send to me. I remember you talking about being able to see me next. I remember the first time you called me beautiful. I remember your middle name. I remember your favorite songs. I remember your favorite restaurant. I remember talking about spring break. I remember everything.
But I also remember the night that you hurt me when you said I hurt you. Thankfully, it’s fading. Everything is fading. Your smile, your laugh, your personality. It’s all leaving. Just like how you left me.
I will never forgive you for how you have treated me. I felt and thought about myself so horribly. I questioned everything I ever did. I don’t deserve that. I deserve to be happy, and that is what I am intending to do.
I feel closer to my family more than ever. I have ninety girls that I know I can turn to if I ever need anything. I have a great group of guy friends. I still have my wonderful friends back at home. I have my best friend. She’s the one who helped me get to know you, but now she has helped me get over you. Look at me now. I am happy.
I am doing things that make me happy and I don’t want to share those experiences with you. I don’t want to call you and tell you how I’ve been. I don’t want to try to please you. I don’t want you anymore, and let me tell you, this is a great feeling.
So, don’t call me when you start thinking about me again. I’ll answer, unlike you did, but I won’t care. Yes, I will ALWAYS care about you, but I will never ever let anybody leave me like how you left me. Hearing your apology or hearing you say that you just want to talk will not mean anything to me. I am going to save my heart like how you said you needed to save yours.
I’m not writing this to hurt you, I’m writing this to let you know, I don’t need to worry about you, you don’t need to worry about me. You can still creep around my Instagram to check up on me. You can look at my tweets. I know you probably won’t read this, but let me be the first to tell you, I am good. I am great actually! All because of you. Thank you.
So because this is the end of “us” now, I’ll see you around.
By Rebecca Cash for TheOdyssey