What is it about some guys? A girl genuinely likes you and wants to get serious, so you start acting like a total dumbass. I’ve never understood it when guys did this with me and I still don’t. Is it self-destruction, a self-esteem issue, or what? I like you, I for real like you and want to spend time with you, so you decide to start acting like an insufferable putz. What gives?
1. You keep playing come-here-now-go-away games.
I like you. I find you interesting. I think you’re worth my time, energy, and efforts. So why, now, do you want to push me away, then reel me in again? I’m not playing games with you, so why are you playing games with me? What’s the deal?
2. You put yourself first all. the. time.
I don’t expect to become your entire world. I’m not the center of your universe. We’re not there yet (and probably should never be since that’s not really healthy). This is a relationship, though, so how about you stop acting like you’re the sun? There are two people here. Don’t expect me to adore you when you spend so much time adoring yourself.
3. Why do you make stupid jokes when I talk about the future?
Are you nervous about our future? Disdainful? Are you trying to send a subtle message? I don’t know because I can’t read your mind. It’s cool if you don’t feel like this relationship is worth taking seriously — you just have to say so, you know. Open your mouth and say what you feel.
4. I’m not your adjunct mom.
That’s not what this means. I like you, there’s potential for me to more than like you, and I want to pursue a relationship with you. The mother/son relationship is not the bond to which I am referring. I’m your girlfriend, your partner, your person, not your mom. Don’t expect me to take care of you, to wait on you hand and foot, or to cater to your every whim just because I want to get serious.
5. I’m not your kid, either.
You don’t need to talk down to me. I understand big words and complex ideas. Frankly, if you’re compelled to talk to me like I’m an idiot just because I dig you, I’m not going to feel that way for very long.
6. What’s up with never remembering our plans unless you make them?
I get it. You don’t like to do all the things I like to do. Ditto, pal. I do it because that stuff is important to you. If you can remember our date to watch Lego Batman, you can remember we’re supposed to go out to dinner at the place that doesn’t have paper napkins.
7. You pout when you’re out of your comfort zone.
We hang out with your friends or your work buddies or your family, and you’re all charm. I get that. You’re comfortable with those people. I implore you; please try to do the same when you’re around the people in my life or when we’re doing the things that matter to me. You don’t have to love it, but don’t pout and act sullen as you try to fade into the background.
8. Nothing is ever your fault.
At least, according to you, nothing is ever your fault. Why, though? Getting serious about you didn’t turn me into a harpy. I don’t nag every little thing you do all of a sudden, and I’m not going to start. So, I don’t know, can you maybe own your crap every once in a while? It won’t kill you. It won’t make you less of a man. I won’t stop respecting you. I’ll respect you more, in fact.
9. Everything’s all about winning with you.
You’re always out to win arguments with me. That’s your goal – to win. Our relationship isn’t a video game, though. Sure, you can win every fight or I can double-down and keep it going, but in a relationship, when there’s a loser and a winner, someone still loses. How about compromising with me instead?
10. You’d rather test me than talk to me.
It’s like you want to test my commitment to you or you doubt my feelings, so you want to trip me up in a lie. Knock it off. Communicate with me, and maybe you won’t feel so paranoid. Don’t bait me, though. Don’t goad me. Passive aggression is the quickest way to make me the complete opposite of serious with you.
11. The more serious I get, the less secure you feel.
What’s up, bruh? Why is that? I’m not cheating on you. I’m not clowning you. I’m for real. Let me repeat: I like you. I want to see where this goes. Why does that make you doubt me more? Don’t go off the ropes because I’m hanging out with friends or because – gasp! – I have male friends. I don’t want them. I want you. That’s why I’m here.
12. Stop trying to make me jealous just to over-compensate.
You can’t let your insecurities inspire you to commit passive aggressive acts. Trying to make me jealous just tells me that you aren’t ready – that you aren’t even capable of being serious yet.
By Lyndsie Robinson for Bolde