I am slowly learning to distribute my love instead of holding back. I am giving out more compliments. I am reaching out to more friends. I am letting I love youand I miss you become a common part of my vocabulary. I am no longer letting my fear of looking overly attached or obsessive stop me from showing kindness, because my loved ones deserve to feel valued.
I am slowly learning to pay closer attention to the little things in life. Instead of counting down the days until my next vacation and neglecting the now, I am searching for tiny things to get excited about so that I am not always looking forward to tomorrow. I am trying my best to enjoy Monday through Thursday instead of eternally waiting to reach Friday. Instead of always wishing for something that hasn’t yet come.
I am slowly learning to be more appreciative of my surroundings. I am slowly learning to stop complaining as a default. I am slowly resisting my urges to whine about how cold I am or how tired I am or how stressed I am when I want to fill a silence. I am training my brain to search for the silver lining instead. To push the negatives to the back of my mind and keep the positives at the forefront.
I am slowly learning how to deal with my emotions in a nontoxic way. Instead of reaching for my phone to send angered rants that I am going to be embarrassed about as soon as I calm down, I force myself to breathe. To relax. To consider what I am going to say before I speak. Instead of reaching for a wineglass when I want to forget about my problems, I force myself to sit with my problems. Think about them. Deal with them while sober.
I am slowly learning to take better care of my mental health instead of letting my sanity rot. I am slowly learning to speak out when I have something to say instead of remaining silent to avoid conflict. I am slowly learning that my feelings deserve to be expressed, that my emotions deserve to be felt. I am slowly learning that my thoughts matter.
I am slowly learning to treat myself the way I treat those surrounding me. I have stopped bombarding myself with insults about my appearance. I have stopped comparing myself to everyone else and feeling like I come up short. I have stopped acting like I am a burden to those who love me. I have stopped punishing myself just for existing.
I am slowly growing into the best version of myself. A version that is happy. That is confident. That loves herself and her universe. I am bound to have missteps along the way to self-fulfillment, but I am determined to treat myself better. I am serious about pursuing personal growth. I am slowly going to become a version of myself that makes me feel like I am worth it.
By Holly Riordan for ThoughtCatalog