As we roll into another New Year and take stock in both our past and future, it’s time to finally make some wise decisions for yourself. No more adhering to the conventional crap around you, playing by the rules you don’t agree with, or even pretending to like that jerk who shares a cubicle with you at work. It’s 2018, baby, which means it’s time to say “f*ck it” and do you.
1. BECAUSE 2017 REALLY F*CKING SUCKED.
Honestly, 2017 was the worst. Not only did the United States become the laughingstock of the entire world for reasons I don’t even have to address, but the war on women, immigrants, autonomy, the LGBTQA community, and basically anyone who isn’t a straight, white, Christian male began. Granted, the war was already underway, but once the racists and sexists in the U.S. voted in that racist, sexist Oompa Loompa, it was all downhill.
2. BECAUSE YOU’LL NEVER BE ABLE TO PLEASE EVERYONE.
Fun fact about life: It doesn’t matter what you do, you’ll never be able to please everyone anyway, so why the hell are you even bothering? Seriously, just give it up. Throw your hands in the air, walk away, and quit trying to be a people pleaser. Besides, it’s an exhausting role to play and you have better things to do with your time.
3. BECAUSE YOU’VE BEEN MEANING TO DITCH THAT JOB SINCE 2011.
What am I saying here? I’m saying take a long look at your crappy job and say f*ck it. While I would never suggest anyone walk out on their job without another job to go to or some savings (despite the fact that I’m guilty of pulling such a brazen move twice in my life), if you’re going to do you and do you properly, you need to start with cutting the biggest bane of your existence from your life – and something tells me it’s your awful job.
4. BECAUSE YOUR OPINIONS MATTER.
We may live in a world where women are so easily talked over, especially by mediocre men who think they’ve been put on this earth to mansplain women, but that’s BS. Your opinions matter and are frankly worth far more than the opinions of the guy mansplaining you. So, if you’ve stayed mum recently—or, even worse, your whole life—it’s time to say “f*ck it,” get on your soapbox, and give everyone an ear-full. We wouldn’t have been given the ability to opine if we weren’t supposed to share those opinions.
5. BECAUSE YOU’RE OVER WHAT PEOPLE THINK OF YOU.
Oh, no! That girl you went to college with unfriended you because of something you posted on Facebook?! OMG! You found out from one coworker that another coworker thinks you’re a bitch? OMG! Who cares? Aside from the close friends you have, the ones who don’t even have the time or energy to judge you, it doesn’t matter what people think of you, so it’s good that you’re over it. Continue posting whatever the hell you want on Facebook, offending the soft-shelled plebes of the world, and if someone thinks your confidence and self-esteem is bitchiness, f*ck it. You’re under no obligation to change yourself to suit the insecurities or hang-ups of other people.
6. BECAUSE YOU DESERVE A DAMN ORGASM.
Well, your relationship with the guy who was totally clueless about where your clitoris was has run its course. Why? Because it’s 2018 and you’re saying “f*ck it.” You deserve to orgasm EVERY SINGLE TIME. If he can’t even give you that, then it’s time to say not just “f*ck it,” but “bye, Felipe.”
7. BECAUSE THE WORLD IS WONDERFUL AND STRANGE.
Meaning it’s time to pack your bags and not just do you by leaving town, but do you all over the damn world. Sure, it’s not cheap to travel, but if you stay on top of airline ticket sales, be willing to stay in cheap and somewhat shady hostels, and not order the most expensive item on the menu, you can go anywhere. That is, if you say “f*ck it” and really want to do it.
8. BECAUSE WE ALL MAKE MISTAKES.
You’re who you are today because the mistakes and screw-ups you made along the way in life. If you’ve been hanging onto those mistakes, it’s time to say “f*ck it” and let go. You can’t change the past, no matter how hard you try and, if you really want to, you can think of 2018 as a clean slate, and completely wipe them from your mind for good—meaning they never, ever happened.
9. BECAUSE YOUR BODY IS PERFECT AS IS.
We may be in the midst of a body positivity movement, but that doesn’t stop the trolls from, well, trolling and offering up their useless input on how a woman’s body should look. I’m pretty sure we all remember Lady Gaga being called fat by ignorant dudes after her Super Bowl performance, right? Well, f*ck it—and to prove you honestly stand by this mentality, make 2018 the year you eat more pizza than you have in the past five years put together.
10. BECAUSE YOU’RE NOT GETTING ANY YOUNGER.
I don’t want to crap on the fact that you’re no longer 23, but you’re no longer 23. While you may not be 85, with one foot in the grave, that’s the direction you’re headed so why are you even giving a f*ck at all about anything? You shouldn’t. You only get one chance at this thing called life and if you don’t do it on your terms, you’ll walk up at 85 realizing you did the whole life thing wrong. Yes, you can do life wrong.
11. BECAUSE IT’S A NEW YEAR.
It’s a New Year, so you should have a new attitude, a new direction, a whole boatload of new gumption that you didn’t have before, and zero need for reasons more than that to say “f*ck it” and do you.
By Amanda Chatel for Bolde