I’m not the one crying anymore, thank you.
It was the most emotionally traumatic experience that I have ever had to endure in my life. I can’t even find the words to accurately describe just how you made me feel when you did what you did. You hurt me. But those words just plainly don’t do the entire experience any justice. It was beyond mere hurt. It was a devastation. It was pure destruction and desolation. I think it probably would have hurt less if you had punched me in the gut a hundred times over. It would have hurt less if you whacked me straight across the face with a shovel. It would have hurt less if you just yanked all of my hair out with a single pull. The way that you broke my heart was so merciless. It was so heartless. I don’t understand how you can just go on with your life knowing that you did all of what you did to me. It took me so long to get over you. It took me so much courage and effort to just rid myself of the idea of you. When you left me, I wasn’t able to function the way that I wanted to function. I couldn’t just go on being myself because I didn’t know who I was without you. Part of that was my fault. I let myself fall for you too much. I became overly reliant and dependent on you that I ended up forgetting myself. In fact, it took so long for me to recover that I had slowly learned to just accept that the pain was a part of who I was. And that’s wrong. I almost gave up there for a while. That’s the kind of effect that you had on me. That’s what you did to me. That’s how hard my heart broke.
And because of all those things, I just want to tell you that I’m forever grateful. I want to thank you for teaching me a valuable lesson that I badly needed to learn for myself in one way or another. I don’t regret any of the pain that you caused me. I don’t regret the struggle that I had to endure in your absence. I don’t regret that downright heartbreaking experience that you put me through.
I don’t regret any of it because I know that I wouldn’t be the person that I am today if it weren’t for those experiences. It’s no secret that it was no easy feat for me to try and forget you. It took me quite a while to learn that my efforts to try and forget you were futile. There was no forgetting you and I realize that now. It’s all just about taking everything that we had – both the good and the bad, and everything in between – and learning from them all. It was because of you that I ended up learning the most valuable lessons that life would ever have to teach me. For one, it was because of you that I can’t really expect people to stay in my life forever no matter how much they would lead me to believe. In fact, they might even believe it themselves.
But I have to understand that despite the best of intentions, plans change – they evolve. Nothing is set in stone. Nothing is ever promised. Nothing is ever certain. There is always a chance that people are going to leave you and when that happens, you have to learn how to detach yourself. Not to say that you shouldn’t get attached to anyone, but you should also learn how to detach from people just as easily. Thank you for teaching me the importance of learning the art of detachment. You also taught me about the ugly side of love and I thank you for that. I used to think that love was always going to be beautiful, pretty, amazing, and flawless. You taught me that love was sometimes dirty, ugly, flawed, stressful, and downright exhausting. Now I am better prepared to handle whatever love walks into my life because of you. I can now manage my expectations better and I thank you for that. I want you to know that I don’t really consider you as a mistake that I wish I could erase. I consider you as a valuable lesson that I badly needed to experience for myself so that I could be better.
You’ve probably moved on by now and you must not think much of me anymore – if not at all. But I just want you to know that I am always going to be grateful. I am always going to thank the heavens that you walked into my life and left your mark on it. It’s because of you that I am stronger. It’s because of you that I am ready to love better.