This is one of the hardest decisions of my life. Walking away from you.
Even though all I want to do is wrap my arms around you and tell you everything is going to be okay. Ignoring you gets harder day by day. You know how you say you don’t need anybody? That’s a lie. The aggressiveness in your voice speaks it all.
I want to be there for you as you go through this. I want to hold your hand and wipe your tears away. I want to be the one to fix your broken pieces. I want to help you carry all that weight. I want to be the strong one holding you when you find no strength in you. I want to experience it all with you. You don’t get it. It sucks to watch you like that. It kills me every time you come back to me and tell me about how life has drained you out of every hope. I want to be there with you as you find your way back to yourself again. I want to be there right by your side as we celebrate life again. Together, we could do this.
But maybe you don’t need me.
And that’s why I need to choose myself this time. I think it’s been too long since I did that. I cared and worried about you so much that I completely forgot about myself. I realized the more I tried to fix you, the more I hurt myself. I kept giving and giving. Every time I gave you another chance, I had this hope that maybe this time you will see it. How much I care for you.
But I can’t watch myself go over this again, you know? I can’t keep waiting and hoping that someday you will show me everything that your words have said. I think I deserve better than that.
I need to close this chapter of my life. For good. I am ready for life to take me through new and exciting experiences. How would I do it while still holding onto the past? So I want to let you go.
Today I am choosing to close the door. It’s been really long since I felt this positive and happy. And honestly, I can’t wait for life to take me through a new and exciting chapter. I really want to move ahead. I want a good and happy life. I want a life filled with good people, love, and happiness. And I wish the same for you as well.
I hope that someday you do find true love and you aren’t afraid to show her how much you love her. I’m sorry it couldn’t be me. But that’s okay I guess. We’ll be alright.
If I had any last words to say to you, they would be this. I hope you heal. I hope you find yourself again. I hope you find something that burns a fire in your soul. I hope you find the rays of sunlight even on your darkest days. I want you to know that you’re going to be okay. And lastly I want to say that I hope you remember me.
Please, don’t you forget.
By Shivani Sonawane for ThoughtCatalog