I try to have a positive attitude about most things because I believe the energy you put out into the universe is important. One exception to this is dating. I’m cynical AF when it comes to guys and love but who could blame me?
1. THIS HAS ABSOLUTELY BEEN THE YEAR OF THE TOXIC A-HOLE.
I know they’ve been around for what seems like 100 years, but this year in particular has been crawling with them. Every time I think it can’t get worse, I meet another one who kicks it up a notch…or five. Seriously, I thought by 30 this crap would end but it just seems to escalate. Are good guys actually out there?
2. IT ALL SEEMS GREAT…UNTIL THEY GET UP AND GHOST.
Yeah, even when a guy seems like a gem and all your dates have gone amazingly well, one day you turn around and they aren’t there anymore. There’s no warning, no explanation, and no apology…just a vanishing act. Is there no such thing as common decency anymore? If a guy’s not into it, I wish he would just tell me instead of making me go over all the scenarios in my head of what could have gone wrong.
3. DATES AREN’T DATES—THEY ARE NETFLIX AND CHILL SESSIONS.
Bad attitudes tend to come from bad experiences, and bad experiences often come in the form of the endless nightmare of Netflix and chill “dates.” I’m not saying I’m not down with having a low-key movie night, but I’d also like to see some effort, especially when a guy’s just getting to know me. When did it become acceptable to just bring a girl to his house so he can sit around in his sweatpants and try to make a move?
4. GUYS LOVE OPTIONS AND THEY LOVE KEEPING THEM OPEN.
Ever since Tinder and Bumble showed up, it seems like a lot of guys stopped wanting to be official or exclusive. When it’s so easy to swiftly move onto the next girl or simply talk to five girls at once, committing to one woman seems like a bad move, at least in their minds. I can’t be the only one who’s exhausted with this non-committal, serial dating generation of guys.
5. TOO MANY GUYS ARE JUST LOOKING FOR A HOOKUP BUT PRETEND THEY AREN’T.
I get that everyone goes through a phase where they want to be single and have fun, but more and more often, guys are making it their permanent lifestyle. It used to be simple figuring out whether he actually wanted to get to know you or just get in your pants but guys have become a better breed of players these days. Half the time I feel like an FBI agent trying to get a handle on his angle.
6. I WISH THEY WOULDN’T TEXT ME AT 1 A.M. SAYING, “U UP?”
Seriously, this crap needs to stop. If I wanted a hookup, he would know, otherwise, he needs to stop being a douchebag. If I’m awake at 1 a.m. and I haven’t contacted him, it’s because I have zero intention of making my way to his house to climb into bed with him.
7. CHEATING IS WAY TOO COMMON.
I know this isn’t exclusive to men but with the “grass is always greener” mentality so many of us have, cheating is seriously running rampant. I’ve not only been cheated on, I’ve also had men try and cheat WITH me, which makes it incredibly hard to trust guys in general. Not only that, but since we all have our own lives on our phones, it’s impossible to know whether or not he’s cruising around dating apps or having late night convos with other girls.
8. THE CONSTANT CYCLE OF CRAPPY MEN KILLS CONFIDENCE.
Meeting guys who pretend to have interest only to try and get laid, or bail, or have 14 side chicks, seriously do a number on the whole confidence thing. While I don’t let someone’s actions define how I feel about myself, it’s a mission to keep feeling like a bombshell when half the time I don’t understand what the hell even happened!
9. SHADINESS IS IN AND HONESTY IS OUT.
Guys these days are absolute pros at getting what they want and it’s damn near impossible to decipher their intentions…at least initially. Not only is defining your relationship as clear as mud, you never really know if they’re telling you the truth or what they think you want to hear. I would honestly rather hear that I’m awful if that’s what they’re thinking, then hear a bunch of BS they don’t mean. Not only is chivalry is dead, so is honest conversation, it seems. Ugh.
By Emily Derry for Bolde