Have you really moved on?
They say that breakups are really difficult. And for the most part, that’s true. But do you know what’s even harder than breaking up? Moving on and getting over. You can be in full acceptance of the fact that your relationship really is over, but the act of actually having to pick yourself up and get on with your life isn’t going to be so simple. Imagine, you were with someone for the longest time. You loved this person and you thought you were going to spend the rest of your lives together. But somewhere along the way, things went awry. And not only were you forced to say goodbye to a person you loved so dearly, but you also ended up having to say goodbye to the things that you believed in the most. That’s no easy feat at all. That’s why it’s perfectly normal for a lot of people to take plenty of time before they can really move on.
One common technique that people use to speed up the healing and moving on process is to reflect on the relationship in an unfiltered lens. See the relationship for what it really was and try to find out where things went wrong. Take the failed relationship as a learning experience to protect you from future heartbreak and disappointment. Look over the things that you could have improved on and try to figure out how you’re going to become a better person as you move forward. This kind of forward-thinking is healthy for a person who is trying to get over an emotionally heavy and traumatizing experience. Remember that things in the past should be kept in the past – and that you only look back at them when you need to take lessons with you into the future.
And remember that before you dive into any serious relationships with someone in the future, you have to make sure that you are really over your ex. And that’s the tricky part. Lots of people will think that they have moved on from a relationship even when they really haven’t. This could spell potential trouble for your future love life. Emotional baggage from any previous relationships have no place in future relationships. So how do you know if you’re really over a breakup? Here are a few things that you could ask yourself.
1. Are you still in constant contact with your ex?
If you and your ex are still constantly talking to one another, then that may be putting you in a real grey area. It would probably be better for you to cut some ties with your ex so as to minimize the chances of having any feelings resurfacing.
2. Would you be fine if your ex started getting serious with new people?
If it would upset you, then that would mean that you’re really not over your ex. If it makes you happy, then that’s a good sign. But the best sign would be for you to just not care about whether your ex is dating someone new or not.
3. Do you still stalk your ex from time to time?
If you still keep on stalking your ex, then that is a big sign that you really haven’t moved on from the fact that you’re broken up. You still want to update yourself on what they’re doing, who they’re dating, and whether they’re happy without you. It’s almost pathetic. It would be funny if it weren’t so sad. But if you don’t stalk your ex at all, then you’re in a really good place emotionally.
4. Do you still harbor any angry feelings from the relationship or breakup?
If you still get angry at the thought of your relationship or your ex, then you really aren’t over it. Remember, that the best way to know if you’ve really moved on from a relationship is when you feel indifferent or aloof to the whole situation.
5. Are you completely comfortable with dating again?
This is another tricky situation. If you say you aren’t comfortable with it, then it may be because you’re still trying to get over the wounds of the past. But if you are overeager, then it might mean that you are just overly emotional and you might end up hurting yourself again. The best response to this question would be for you to be completely nonchalant about it. You’re open to dating, but you’re not desperate.
6. Do you still think about what you could have done to save your relationship?
While it’s good to always think about how you can learn from the past, it has to get to a point where you learn to let go as well. Take the lessons with you into the future, but leave all the feelings of the past where it belongs.
7. Do you take responsibility for your faults in the failed romance?
If no, then you haven’t really grown up yet. You need some maturing to do and you need to be able to get to that place before you can be ready to start dating again.