It’s very admirable to put yourself out there in the dating world, to forgive people who’ve wronged you, and to try and make things work with that stubborn guy you just can’t seem to get over. But when all is said and done and the landscape isn’t changing, sometimes moving on is the only thing to do. Here’s why it’s time to give up on that guy who’s just not into you – at least not in the way he should be.
You’ve put way too much effort into him already. You’ve bent over backwards to make things work with him, but the problem is that he’s not doing the same for you. There’s a line, and you’re the only one who can draw it.
You really do deserve better. In the moment, it’s hard to imagine that there’s a guy out there who’s as hot, smart and sweet as the current object of your affection, let alone one who will adore the crap out of you. There is, but you won’t find him until you move on.
He’s keeping you from the next guy. You think your (non-)relationship all figured out and that if you met someone else, you could jump out of this crappy situation in a second and grab the better guy, but that’s not how it works. There’s still an attachment, and if he’s not that into you, there sure as hell shouldn’t be.
It’s draining your energy. You like to think that this situation isn’t overly dramatic because it’s not like you guys are fighting or anything. But then for some reason, your emotions about him seem to be pouring out anyway, like some sad magic well that’s refilling hourly. How will you ever have anything left to give if you’re wasting it all on someone who couldn’t care less?
You’ve already learned every possible lesson. Every relationship is here to teach us lessons and keep us growing, but at a certain point, that takes both parties to move things forward. If you’re spinning your wheels, it’s time to hit the gas, take what you’ve learned and drive on.
You’re not giving yourself enough credit. No one in the world should be comfortable with receiving a half-assed, kind-of like from someone. If you feel good about yourself, he should feel good about you, too. You’re a smart, funny, beautiful woman, and you need someone who’s going to see those qualities and appreciate them in you.
If he really likes you, you’d know. Here’s the thing: If you have a lightbulb go off, realize that he’s not worth your time and you decide that enough is enough, he’s either going to care or he won’t. It shouldn’t take you leaving for him to realize what he could’ve had, but sometimes guys are a little dense, or just a**holes.
A casual relationship isn’t sustainable. Many a women tell themselves they’re fine with casual dating, but are totally and utterly lying to themselves in an effort to avoid losing the dude. And even if you are fine with it now, it’s probably not your longterm life goal, so don’t forget that.
It’s better to be alone than ‘sort of’ together. After a certain point, he’s just getting all of your attention and energy, but if you’re not fulfilled in return, you’re better off being more conservative with rationing that out and working on all that good old self-empowerment stuff, instead.
He makes you needy and/or desperate. You might not have started off feeling so desperate, but something about his elusiveness has got you chasing after him like he’s the last man on earth. But he isn’t, and you know that, and that needy chick is not the real you, anyway.
You want to be the best you possible. That guy that isn’t that into you isn’t doing you any favors being in your life, and you deserve to be around people who are.
By Kate Ferguson for Bolde