You are going to feel that empty space in your heart and you are going to hate yourself for not being able to fill it.
Not a day is going to go by wherein you don’t miss her. You are going to feel that empty space in your heart and you are going to hate yourself for not being able to fill it. You know that what you are doing is just simply what you’re meant to be doing but that doesn’t make the situation any easier at all. At first, when you let her go, you thought that it wasn’t going to be so difficult. You thought you would be able to handle it like a man. You thought you would be able to detach from her like water dripping from a person’s skin. But you were wrong. You are wrong. You miss her and there’s nothing you can do about it.
For the initial parts, the thrill and exhilaration of being alone is going to ignite a flame within you. You will find great pleasure in your independence and your freedom. You are going to go and tell your buddies that you no longer have to commit yourself to anyone anymore. You no longer have any relationship responsibilities. You brag that there are so many things that you are able to do now that you never would have gotten away with when you were with your ex. You’re going to go on a high and think that life couldn’t as sweet as it is in that moment. You will feel overwhelmed by the great possibilities of what the single life is going to offer you.
You’re going to lay your eyes on other girls. You are going to experience the thrill of the chase once more; perhaps even multiple times over. You are going to feel your heart skip a beat with new kinds of women. You get to explore more sexual bodies. You are going to live life carelessly and recklessly, but no one is going to judge you for it. There are no chains that bind you anymore. There is no loyalty to speak of. You are your own boss and this freedom energizes you.
But then one day, it’s going to hit you. The thrill of the chase is going to start losing its appeal. You won’t be having as much fun as you thought you would be having. The hype is going to die down. Your high is going to vanish. You’re going to be brought back down to earth and then you will realize just how much you miss her after all. This realization doesn’t come slowly. It comes abruptly like a car crash on the freeway.
You will be forced to come to terms with the fact that you didn’t GAIN freedom; you LOST security. You didn’t GAIN independence; you LOST a whole part of yourself. You said goodbye to the one person you now realize you should never have let go in the first place. You’re going to stop chasing after your temporary highs because you truly know that nothing is going to be able to fill the void she left behind in her wake; the void that was left when you said goodbye. It’s going to be like your favorite ice cream flavor has just been discontinued. Sure, you can have lots of other kinds of ice cream, but they’ll never be the same. They won’t give you that same level of sweetness and satisfaction.
Pretty soon after that you’ll start growing desperate. You will grab at any opportunity for someone to replace her in your life. You want to experience every single feeling, emotion, and sensation that she used to give you. So you start exploring. You start trying to experiment with plenty different kinds of people. You want to recreate something that you forcibly removed from your life in the first place. You are craving for that one special ice cream, but it seems like you can’t find it anywhere. You are looking for that one special warm hand to hold when you’re down. You need those special pair of lips to kiss when you’re passionate. But you can’t seem to find them.
Then it hits you. The agony that you are forced to bear with at this moment is of your own doing. It is your own fault. You were the one who was afraid to commit. You were the one who thought that freedom was better than being tied down in a relationship. You were the one who ran away from something special. You were the one who wrecked her heart in a million pieces even though all she did was love you the best way that she could. Now you’re left to suffer the consequences of your recklessness while she’s probably off moving on and getting over you.
One day, you might get the chance of being happy again. You might find someone who can help mend that dark heart of yours. But deep inside, you will always know that the one person who loved you more than anything in this world loves someone else know; and that kills you inside every single day.