Being in your twenties is the best time to play the field. That is, as long as you don’t have the mental age of a 65-year-old, because then it’s a total nightmare. Don’t get me wrong, I’m a wonderfully caring GF, but a guy needs to be prepared to deal with these 10 things:
1. MY IDEAL DATE ISN’T REALLY A DATE.
Dinner and a movie might sound fun to him, but how long does that mean I have to be out of the house? My ideal night consists of me moving between the fridge and the sofa, ideally under a slanket the whole time. The sooner I’m cozied up indoors, the happier I’ll be. It’s up to him if he joins me, but I’ll be hogging the remote.
2. BEDTIME MUST BE RESPECTED.
Nothing, not even the most mind-blowing night of passion he can offer, will keep me from my bed if it’s after 10 p.m. My favorite dates are lunch dates, leaving me free to indulge in my bedtime routine. Nights out are in no way, shape, or form my idea of a good time, so he’ll need to think of some other way for us to get to know each other.
3. I EXPECT HIM TO BE ON TIME, NO EXCEPTIONS.
Guys in the modern dating game absolutely suck at timekeeping. Unless he gives me thirty minutes notice, there’s no excuse for being late when we’ve agreed a time to meet. It’s the equivalent of saying to my face that his time is more valuable than mine, and it’s the quickest way to guarantee no second date.
4. I WANT TO BE TREATED EQUALLY BUT I STILL NEED ROMANCE.
As I live in the modern world, I see myself as his equal. That means I want the same career prospects, equal rights in the relationship, and I want him to see me as his partner in crime. Having said that, the old woman in me is obsessed with the idea of romance, so expect me to be offended if he doesn’t bring me flowers and offer to pay the check at least every now and again.
5. I’M A TOTAL PRUDE WHEN IT COMES TO PDA.
As far as I’m concerned, our relationship is something that stays between us, not something that gets displayed to the rest of the world. Nothing makes me cringe more when I walk through town than seeing young adoring couples with saliva and limbs all over each other. If he does something exceptionally lovely for me, I may consent to a kiss on the cheek.
6. I HAVE ZERO PATIENCE FOR GUYS WHO PLAY AROUND.
If he messes me around, I won’t go crying to my gal pals about him, I’ll just cut him out straight away. I don’t have time for guys who aren’t serious about being with me and a guy who plays around smacks of immaturity. If he can’t handle an adult relationship, he shouldn’t bother talking to me.
7. I EXPECT HIM TO MEET MY ENTIRE FAMILY BEFORE I CONSIDER THE RELATIONSHIP SERIOUS.
A relationship isn’t just about me and him—it’s me, him, my parents and pretty much every other member of my extended family. I need someone who’s prepared to get involved with family stuff and be part of my wider life. If he can’t tell my great aunts apart, I’m not sure the relationship’s going anywhere.
8. I’M CARING AF, BUT HE’LL FEEL SMOTHERED BY IT.
Being old before my time means that the nurturing instinct runs through my pretty strong. The upside? He’ll never date someone who’ll do more for him or go so far out of their way to make him happy. The downside of this, though, is that he’ll be told to put his coat on on chilly days and will be asked every ten minutes if he’s OK when he has the sniffles. It’s in my nature to care obsessively.
9. IF HE’S INTERESTED IN SPONTANEITY, HE’S WITH THE WRONG GIRL.
If nothing gets him going like last-minute romantic getaways or getting ready for an unplanned night out at 3 a.m., I’m sad to say he’s with the wrong girl. My love of routine means that I can tell him where I’ll be pretty much every hour between now and next week, and that’s the way I like it. Suggesting anything new will disrupt an already smooth system.
10. HE CAN TELL WHAT I’LL BE LIKE IN 50 YEARS—IT’S BASICALLY ME NOW.
The one thing I can guarantee as someone who’s old before their time? He can be pretty much certain that there’ll be no nasty surprises in the future. I don’t have any wild habits to lose and there’s not much left that I could start nagging about that isn’t covered already. I may be a bit of a dull date now, but at least he knows what he’s in for 50 years down the line.