If he’s acting like this, he is all in.
Over the course of my 15 years as a dating coach for single women, I’ve learned one vital thing a lot of men don’t fully understand — women really don’t want to waste time getting hurt by men.
That’s why so many women find themselves wide awake in the middle of the night, Googling for dating advice and answers to questions like, “How can I tell if a guy likes me?” and “Does is he love me, or is he just using me?”
Unfortunately, most men won’t come right out and answer those questions without things getting strained or awkward.
It’s entirely reasonable to want to avoid wasting your time and getting hurt (again). And there are some particularly telling signs a guy likes you that you can look for.
In fact, if you’re seeing a new guy and he’s not doing these things, you should probably start looking for man who does. You deserve it.
So, without further ado, here are 8 undeniable signs a guy really likes you and is falling head-over-heels in love!
1. He makes plans to see you again — quickly
The best predictor of whether a guy is into you isn’t about the chemistry you had on your first date or the incredible sex you had after.
The surest way to know whether a man is serious about you is how quickly he follows up after the date to make plans again.
Men who are excited about you act excited. Men who are ambivalent about you act ambivalent.
You deserve a boyfriend who is excited about you. Don’t settle for the once-a-week guy beyond, say, the first six weeks of dating. If he isn’t your boyfriend by then, he’s not going to be.
2. He texts, emails, and/or calls you every single day
Beware of any man who doesn’t reach out to you every single day. Either he doesn’t want to connect with you that often, or he hasn’t been told that it’s important to you … and it should be.
When I was first dating my wife, she said, “I know you’re really busy at work and get caught up in your own stuff, but it would make me really happy if you’d just call me before you went to bed, just to say good night.”
“Sometimes, I have nothing to say,” I grumbled.
She said, “That’s okay. Even if it’s just 30 seconds, it’s better than nothing and it makes me feel connected.”
I thought about it and realized that this was a totally reasonable request that cost me nothing to honor. So I did.
That was 10 years ago. We still talk every night before we go to sleep.
3. He makes plans with you in advance of every weekend
Your boyfriend doesn’t booty call you. He doesn’t text you at 10 pm on Saturday night, “What R U doing now?” He doesn’t wait until the weekend is over to wonder what you did.
The man you want may be busy, but he always prioritizes you and makes you feel special. That means he looks at his calendar, figures out his schedule, and commits in advance to spend at least one weekend night and one weekend day with you.
Sure, there are exceptions when you live long-distance or share custody of your kids with an ex. But, in general, if you don’t have plans to see your boyfriend every weekend, what exactly makes him your boyfriend?
4. He wants to be sure you’re not seeing anyone else
Not in a jealous way or in a creepy stalker way. But, when you’re dating a man who thinks you have long-term potential, it’s in his best interest to try and claim you for himself.
You’ve seen this in men who declare their intentions prematurely — like, right on the first date — which generally makes them seem somewhere between clueless and desperate.
However, if you’re trying to gauge a man’s interest, you have a far greater chance of forging a relationship with a man who wants you all to himself than with a guy who has been texting you for a few months and given no indication that he wants a commitment.
5. He calls himself your boyfriend
It doesn’t matter what age you are or if you think the term sounds like it belongs in high school — the fact is that the title of “boyfriend” matters.
I once had a client who was seeing a guy three times a week for six months. He was very much acting like a boyfriend, but he refused to call himself her boyfriend.
When I pressed my client to ask him about it, she said she didn’t want to put pressure on him. I told her that a good, marriage-oriented man wants the title of boyfriend and all that comes with it — the trust, the commitment, and the responsibility to take care of you.
Sure enough, when my client told her guy that she didn’t want any more time from him, but just wanted the safety and security of being a “girlfriend”, he broke up with her.
This was a sign that she was wasting her time with the wrong man — one who didn’t seize the opportunity to claim her when he had the chance.
6. He sleeps with you, regularly
Believe it or not, men are not all about sex. Men have relationships with women to meet their emotional needs, too. And far too often, there are women who play the part of the girlfriend without any sexual gratification.
Maybe he’s your best friend. Maybe he’s just out of a divorce. Maybe he’s seeing someone else and telling you about it.
But, a relationship without sex is just a friendship. It doesn’t mean that there’s anything wrong with having guy friends, but if you feel like the “emotional booty call” — the friend who gives him everything he needs except sex — it probably means that you’re missing some attraction to take things to the next level.
Find yourself a new guy — one who wants to sleep with you.
7. He talks about a future with you
Dating exclusively doesn’t guarantee a future. Neither does “being in love”. The most foolproof way to know if a guy is thinking about a future, therefore, is pretty obvious: he talks about a future with you!
You don’t have to prod him, interrogate him, or say things like, “So where do you see yourself five years from now?”
If you’re dating a man who wants to be married, he’ll talk about marriage. If you’re dating a man who wants kids, he’ll talk about kids. Naturally. Organically. Free of coercion.
You can’t make a guy want to get married, but if a guy is marriage-oriented and he’s currently dating you, it would be highly unusual if he never mentioned it.
8. He says “I love you”
Those three magic words are powerful, aren’t they?
We’ve all declared our love for someone who was truly unfit for marriage. Instant attraction and connection will do that for you.
And while saying “I love you” isn’t a promise of a future, not saying “I love you” is a troubling sign. Of course, some guys aren’t expressive and some are afraid of sharing their feelings. Some guys take longer to say those words, “just to be sure”.
So don’t be afraid to speak your mind and say “I love you” when you feel it. But if it’s been a year and he’s never declared his love for you, you have to wonder, “Shouldn’t I have a boyfriend who says he loves me?”
Yes. Yes, you should.
Now, you know the signs a man is falling in love with you, but if a great guy doesn’t do one thing on this list, don’t break up with him just yet!
Men are imperfect and sometimes need to be taught how to treat you, but you also need to ensure that your needs for safety, security, and long-term commitment are being met.
You can have an incredible relationship with a commitment-minded man who loves you, but not if you ignore the signs listed above.
By Evan Marc Katz for YourTango