I’m slowly learning not to chase after anyone and instead focus on myself.
It’s scary how much I change the minute someone shows interest in me. I become someone that I am not. I lost myself in trying to obtain someone’s approval. I settled for less than I deserve.
My world quickly revolves around wanting to be with this new person, what he thinks of me, and picking apart at anything that could go wrong. My mind becomes my worst enemy, reminding me that I’m not good enough.
I have come to realize that when it comes down to it, all I have is myself. It’s better to do what makes me happy than to try to fill the void with someone’s presence. It’s better to fill my life with light, positivity, and faith than to depend on someone for validation. It’s better to be authentically me so that I can truly enjoy my life, rather than chase after anyone temporary. It’s better to focus on the people who love me than to try so hard for those who don’t.
I’m slowly learning that the right person won’t have to be chased, and I don’t want to waste time on meaningless relationships.
After going through what I did, I learned the hard way that if someone doesn’t feel that way towards you, nothing you do will make a difference. It’s a bitter pill to swallow, but the past lessons are necessary for me to quit wasting time on those unworthy of it.
I know that the right person won’t have to be chased. They’ll be as equally committed as I am to make our relationship work. They won’t look at me and see what I can do for them but want the best for me as well. They won’t only be thinking of themselves because I matter to them. They’ll see me as a priority and not as an option or someone temporary.
I’m slowly learning that it’s better to be single and thriving on my own than to give my heart to the wrong person.
Being single isn’t easy for me. I still dream about meeting my soulmate tomorrow. I still hold out hope that one day, I can fall in love madly and effortlessly and have every bit of my affection reciprocated. I still yearn to have someone by my side cheering me on for every small win and comforting me when things don’t go smoothly. I still believe that at the right place and right time, the universe will place the right person in my life.
And if I can’t have that yet, I’m not going to settle for anything less. I’m not going to ignore my instinct and settle for anyone that is only doing the minimum to keep me around. I’m not going to bend myself backward and compromise my standards for someone who isn’t sure of me and is obviously so wrong for me.
This period of time isn’t the easiest for me, but I have my loved ones, my faith, and myself to push through this. I will learn to cherish myself and do all I can to find myself again. I will learn not to chase after love and have faith that it will come to me.
By Liane White for ThoughtCatalog