I think we’ve all been there. We’ve all met someone who we deemed worthy of our time and love, only to eventually find out that they weren’t. Maybe it was our fault for seeing something in them so clearly that we avoided the warning signs. Whatever the case was… we’ve been there. We’ve all been faced with a situation where someone we want, desire, and care for, doesn’t fight for us. We’ve all been on the receiving end of their indifference to our hurt, and sometimes that indifference is what hurts us the most.
No relationship is devoid of conflict. No relationship is perfect, flawless. Every relationship has its problems. And it’s the relationships where the couples work together through those problems, like respectful adults, that should be admired.
But when your partner runs at the first sign of joint conflict you encounter, when they try to blame you or external factors for their poor behavior, you need to realize that they will never fight for you. When your partner runs from their own internal issues or problems, runs from their past which they’ve allowed to dictate their present and future, you need to realize that the reason they are incapable of ever fighting for you, is because they cannot even fight for themselves, and how can you even respect someone like that?
Some people prefer to embrace a victim mentality and use that as their scapegoat. They are too weak to stand up, to face the conflict head-on, and to find a resolution. When you call them out on their behavior, they will apologize for hurting you, saying that was never their intention. They will say how shitty of a person they feel they are because they’ve hurt you… and yet, they do nothing to remedy their actions. They prefer to let you go, quietly, to avoid an argument, to avoid facing reality. Which leaves you hurt, confused, and more guarded. Be careful of people who are so comfortable in their unhealthy pattern because it is a pattern that is difficult to escape once you are sucked in.
We all get to a point where we have to evaluate what is important to us in a partner, in our relationship. When we are willing to fight for someone we care about, willing to stand by their sides through the good and bad times, willing to support them when they’re battling their own internal demons, we need to know that we are worthy of the same fight from them. We need to know that no matter the circumstance, no matter the problem or conflict if they love us enough, they should be able to reciprocate our fire in fighting for one another. But we also need to understand that if they do not fight for us, it doesn’t mean we’ve done something wrong. It’s the simple, yet very unfortunate fact, that they do not feel we are worth the fight.
Know that in a relationship, there is nothing wrong with making yourself a priority. But there is a difference between making yourself a priority and just being selfish. Making yourself a priority means that you’ve done and are continuing to do the work to bring your best self to the table, it means you know what you have to offer to a partner. It means you’re working through your issues, fighting your battles, and not letting them trickle into your relationship, dumping them on your partner, and causing unnecessary conflict. Making yourself a priority shows self-care and self-love, it shows you know your worth, and it shows that you respect your partner.
Keep your eyes open when you’re opening your heart to someone. Accept the warning signs that are usually always there. And always remember this: You deserve to be loved and you deserve to be fought for. Because although it hurts like hell when someone we care about doesn’t fight for us, we will eventually understand that there wasn’t anything we could’ve done. When it comes to fighting for us, and even fighting for themselves, they just simply were not capable… nor could they ever be.
By Katiuscia Maria for ThoughtCatalog