As a disclaimer, I’m just going to say that I am not writing from experience, but writing from the sidelines. Writing from the heart. As someone who has watched many relationships crumble from all sides of the fence, including mine, cheating is a hot topic and a wicked demon that hurts so many of us.
Whether you found your husband or wife cheating on Match.com or you found your wife hanging out with your best friend in a compromising position, cheating can wreck trust and hope.
A lot of the times, though, people don’t stop to think why the person is cheating. Instead, people blame themselves. Sure, the disintegration of any marriage or relationship contributes to affairs. Sure, you as a person may have done things as a partner to turn your wife, fiancée, or girlfriend away from you and into someone else’s arms, but the bottom line is the cheater decides to cheat.
And news flash? Women who cheat (as well as men) are often cheating because of issues within themselves.
Here are seven honest reasons women cheat.
1. Low Self-Esteem
Yep, you’re not the reason — although, perhaps, you’re not being a loving and supportive partner, but that’s another story. She might cheat because her self-esteem is so low, she needs more than one person to boost her. This affair of hers might have made her feel like she is sexy or wanted, because inside, she doesn’t feel either sexy or wanted.
2. Boredom
I don’t mean to say this flippantly, but she just may be bored with her life. She may be feeling restless internally. Dissatisfied at work. Jaded over motherhood. Jaded over growing older. Jaded about life after college. Feeling empty inside can lead to bad choices. This doesn’t make it a good excuse — no, none of these are “good excuses,” but rather reasons that led to cheating trouble.
3. Romance
Women crave romance. We just do. OK, maybe not every woman on the planet—— I won’t be reductivist here (is that even the right word?) — but many women crave romance. When a relationship has none, a woman might just bark up the tree of another partner who’s got a song, dance, and poem in their heart for the lady.
While she could decide to talk to her partner and ask, “Hey, why are we lacking romance?” sometimes, a woman might just cheat for the romantic thrills and affection of another.
4. Distraction From a “Sick” Spouse
I’ve heard this story many times both from man to woman and woman to man. Spouse is using drugs or drinking — the other partner escapes in an affair. If she’s cheating it may be do to this or . . .
5. Addictive Behavior
Or she may be using substances or just addicted. Addicted to sex, attention, shopping, gambling, whatever the case may be. If there are signs of impulsive behavior, it may be because there’s a mental health issue present.
6. Midlife Crisis or Hormonal Shutdown
She might be having a midlife crisis. Men aren’t the only ones who panic over getting older. Many of us do. Perhaps she’s feeling drained after having a baby. Maybe she’s got a severe case of postpartum depression and is losing herself day by day.
7. Feeling Shut Out
If you as her spouse are shutting her out, ignoring her, or retreating into your own job and outside life, she may go to someone to find that connection and intimacy.
The reality is cheating is not usually simple. It’s usually a long line of missed communications, issues, and situations that lead a person further and further away from the primary partnership. And truly, most of the times someone cheats, it is due to his or her dissatisfaction with his or herself.
It’s because inside, there are holes this person is dying to fill. In the desperation to fill loneliness, doubt, anxiety, addiction, or what have you, there rises the magical “affair” that seems to present itself as the answer and almighty cure to all those problems listed.
The truth? An affair is not the solution but in fact is just the diversion from truly finding answers that will bring peace, love, and harmony to the individual and the marriage/relationship.
Sometimes, though, it’s easier to find a “quick solution” than do the hard work, or so it seems. Bottom line is an affair may seem like an easy answer, but it will only create more work and hardship. Don’t do it.