Some people confuse love with compatibility. You may love someone, but they might not be a good fit for you.
Jane Austin, Nicholas Sparks, and Thomas Hardy have all painted an idealistic picture of ‘love conquers all’ for us, but is it really correct? Is the notion of ‘all you need is love’ applicable in the real world? They say love is an overused word and underused feeling, which makes us question whether couples who marry for love are actually compatible too? I hate to burst your bubble, but with the increasing divorce rates and unsuccessful relationships, I believe, the answer is no.
When we say a healthy relationship requires more than love, it works both ways, from both partners. However, this article will talk about the reasons why a woman leaves even when she is still in love with her man.The reality is that you can often fall in love with someone, but you can’t be with them. You may love drugs, but they are slowly killing you. Similarly, love makes us look past the negative aspects of people’s characters, and we even give excuses for their wrongdoings because we want to be with them. But, as we spend more time together, one day we reach our limit. It all comes crashing down on us, and we realize that the relationship is causing greater misery than happiness, despite the presence of love.
Being Taken for Granted
It is never too late to express your gratitude towards your significant other. Women like being appreciated for the thoughtful and little things that they do. However, some men are not so detail oriented and they may overlook the efforts. This leads to the building of resentment over time, and then that resentment takes the shape of anger (or passive-aggressive) outbursts when the other person realizes that they are not being valued.
An effortless ‘thank you’ may be enough, even for daily chores, to tell that person that they are important and that their effort is valued. Nothing else can quite substitute for a few well-chosen, well-timed, sincere words of appreciation and praise. It’s not because they’re insecure or needy. It’s because they are human. Even if love is present, no one wants to be in a one-sided relationship, as it turns even the best of relationships into bitter ones, and it doesn’t take long for the love to fade away.
Not Spending Quality Time Together
Connecting is the basic way to keep any relationship alive. It is through interaction that you discover new things about the other person, share old history and build memories. However, we tend to stop communicating and spending time together when problems arise and negativity increases.
Couples who hang out together, watching movies, having fun and discussing things show a greater marital satisfaction and a decrease in divorce rate. Women, in particular, perceive ‘spending time together’ as being loved, appreciated, and valued. Lack of shared activities and interest makes them feel unloved and neglected, which pushes them to draw back.
Experiencing Inequality
A healthy relationship is based on respect, trust and equality. Mutual responsibility is important. Whether it is about making an effort, being honest, having open communication, showing respect, you need to establish common and equal grounds. When men think their problems have a greater value or they put in lesser effort, it makes women feel unequal. There is only so much you can do for a person when you realize it isn’t worth it in the end.
In relationships without equality, one partner tries to control the other. It may manifest itself through jealousy, threats, and continuous inquiry of an account of their daily activities. This ultimately leads to power struggles and hinders the love in the relationship.
Treated With Abuse
Psychological abuse takes place when a person in the relationship tries to control and manipulate the other person. That can be manifested in threats designed to force the victim to comply with the abuser’s wishes. Also, calling her names will have a strong negative impact on her self-esteem. A man can’t abuse his woman, make decisions for her and disregard her opinions. Just because a woman loves a man, doesn’t mean she can be ordered around and criticized at every turn. Facing this treatment only makes them realize that it’s time to leave.
Feeling Unattractive
Women leave men when they don’t feel attractive enough. This has nothing to do with how they look and everything to do with how the men in their lives treat them and make them feel. Not paying attention to them, being affectionate or showing admiration dramatically impact women’s sense of self. It is also important to be attentive towards her, while being intimate. Women are not objects of gratification and men shouldn’t make them feel as such.
Lack of Friendship
Last but not the least, friendship is the foundation of a successful marriage. Based on Dr. Gottman, friendship is rooted in commitment and trust. It forms the basis for intimacy. Couples with deep friendships have:
- mutual respect and enjoyment of each other’s company
- they tend to know each other intimately
- they are well versed in each other’s likes, dislikes, personality quirks, hopes and dreams
- they have an abiding regard for each other and express this fondness not just in the big ways but in little ways, day in and day out
(From: The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work)
As the saying goes, “It is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages.” It is thus, imperative for a woman to form a bond of friendship or compatibility with her man to make the relationship work or else, she will wind up walking out on him in the end.
By Moshe Ratson for Digital Romance