Know the difference.
For plenty of people, dating is the one vehicle that they can use to land themselves in a relationship. And so you might try your hand at dating because you’re willing to take a chance on love. And you might get lucky on your first try or you might have to wade through your share of terrible relationships for a bit; but eventually, you might find someone who really has a chance of making things work with you. You meet someone you are absolutely smitten by and you start to emotionally invest yourself into the relationship.
But then, the deeper you get into the relationship, your insecurities start to creep up as well. Maybe the novelty of the early relationship has started to wane a little bit and the doubts are beginning to become more prominent. Is this really a relationship you can sustain? Is he really the kind of guy who is worth taking a chance on? Can you trust him to take care of your heart when you give it to him? These are all very valid questions that you need to be asking yourself before you move on in your relationship.
Not all people are going to be skilled at hiding their true feelings and motivations in a relationship. But there are a very skilled few who have mastered the art of deception. These are the men who you have to make sure to avoid at all costs. These are the men who will only look to wear you down and use you for their own personal benefit. And the moment that they realize that they can no longer extract anything beneficial from being with you, they will dump you all too quickly.
So you have to be a better judge of character. You have to know if your man is a good one so that you can do your best to not let him go. But you also need to know if he’s terrible so that you can keep yourself more guarded. Here is how you can tell if he’s for real based on the things that he does in the relationship.
1. He is in love with you if you have revealed your worst to him and he still sticks around.
He has seen the worst of you. He has caught a glimpse of your flaws and imperfections. He has seen you when you were being so difficult – and he still sticks around. You know that his feelings are real because he is consistent.
2. He is using you if he makes major relationship decisions without consulting or thinking about you.
He obviously doesn’t care much about how his actions or decisions would make you feel. He doesn’t really see you as a partner. He just acts on his own accord regardless of how you might feel about a situation.
3. He is in love with you if he is doing whatever he can to make you happy.
He considers your happiness to be his own and he does whatever he can to put a smile on your face.
4. He is using you if all he cares about is his own personal happiness.
He only ever does anything that makes him happy. If his actions happen to be detrimental or harmful to you and your relationship, it wouldn’t matter much to him – so as long as he ends up happy as a result.
5. He is in love with you if he gives you the safe space that you need to express yourself freely.
He acknowledges that you are your own person and he has no right to violate whatever boundaries you set for him in the relationship. And he also wants you to feel like you can express yourself however you want.
6. He is using you if he constantly criticizes you and judges you.
He is always making you feel like he is judging and criticizing you. He will always make you feel like you are a terrible human being just to hurt your feelings. There is no love or care behind his criticisms at all.
7. He is in love with you if he really opens himself up to you.
He doesn’t hide anything from you. His life is an open book for you.
8. He is using you if he tries to hide his intentions and motivations from you.
If you feel like he isn’t really being honest and open to you about his innermost feelings and motivations, then you know that he’s just using you in this relationship – and he doesn’t want you to know about it.
9. He is in love with you if he goes the extra mile to meet your needs in the relationship.
He really does whatever he can to make sure that you are satisfied with being in a relationship with him.
10. He is using you if he makes you feel bad about not meeting his expectations.
He deliberately guilts you into thinking that you’re not enough for him. He wants to make you believe that you need to try harder to make yourself worthy of his love. He is acting withholding on purpose just to get you to do more.