Ok, so you really like this guy. The fireworks are going off, you have been getting to know each other and real feelings are starting to develop. Tonight is the night that you guys are going to get busy, and you’re totally excited. You made sure to put on the good lingerie, your hair and makeup are on fleek, and you’re feeling sexy and ready…Well, unfortunately, hun, you can be totally blowing it and not even realizing it.
Yep, it’s true. Women have been engaging in what is known as “hookup sins”. It’s a real problem women are still facing today, and did you know it can destroy your new relationship before it even has a chance to begin?! And the worse part? As far as you know, you think you’re doing all the right things, but you’ve been totally blind sighted. Sorry to break it to you, love, but, you’re failing terribly and didn’t even know it. And your man? Well, you’ re completely, unintentionally turning him off every time you accidentally commit one of these hookup sins. He’s beginning to lose interest. Keep employing all these wrong moves and he’s eventually going to ghost you. Don’t unwittingly drive your man away, causing him to miss out on being with an amazing woman like you! As we know, men really aren’t too complicated when it comes to their intimate needs. However, what turns them on and off is a whole other story. But stop your worrying my dear because this gal has the tips for you to get your hookup back on track. Read on to see this list of 15 hookup moves you need to stop ASAP, so you can take your love life from totally lame to hot as hell.
15. Lighting Up Too Many Candles and Incense
So I get it. We girls are really into making sure everything smells good at all times, so of course we’re obsessed with candles. We love lighting them all over our house, in the kitchen, the bathroom, our bedroom, really every nook and cranny we can find. We hit up Bath and Body works sales like the world is going to end all the candles are going to go into extinction. But there is a healthy level of candle obsession and then there is just taking it too far. As far as you know, you’re just trying to set the mood, but your candle obsession is actually becoming a hookup sin. Let’s put it this way: There is setting the mood with the right amount of sparks and then there it is setting it in flames. I know you’re just getting your zen on and balancing your chakras so you and your man can get to a spiritual level om your sexual odyssey. But enough with the candles and incense! You want your man to feel comfortable when he enters your domain, not like he is walking into a yoga class or some sort of meditation temple. If you want him to get busy pleasing your lady temple, just don’t go overboard with the candles and incense. One or two should be fine. Your flexible yogi body is already plenty enough, if you get my drift. Trust me.
14. Annoying Trolling
It’s a fact of life in this social media-crazed society of ours. What you can learn from meeting a person can sometimes barely graze the surface relative to the oodles of juicy info you can access on the interwebs,. But stop cyber stalking your new man, it’s not sexy. I know you’re curious and you’re kind of worried he may actually be a serial killer. I mean, right? He’s so perfect. Handsome, rockin’ bod, killer smile and charming? He has to have some skeletons in the closet, but get your dirty grubs off the laptop and all his social media. For goodness sake, just get to know him the old-fashioned way—yeah, by talking to him on dates, in person! Because if he found out how many times you’ve googled him or that (and you know, we’re all pretty much guilty of this) you’ve scrolled through every and I mean, every single one of his photos on Facebook…Oh wait, that’s just me? Crap… Anyway, yea stop because that trolling is really creepy, and curiosity killed the cat and all…So, don’t let it kill your budding relationship.
13. Swipin’ Right
We all know that online dating has greatly contributed to our hookup culture. And men have been enjoying taking full advantage of this, using online dating as a way of meeting women whenever they want, just to sleep with. Ugh, such douches. But you realize those same guys were jerks before the emergence of online dating, right? And I totally get you want to meet someone, which can be hard to do in “real life,” so, you turn to online dating. Some of my friends have actually found their significant others this way, and they’re very happy. But just be aware that for every nice, normal guy who is looking for a relationship online, there are unfortunately about a million creeps just looking for cheap, casual thrills. If everyone was just honest and upfront with each other about what they were looking for, dating would be a lot less complicated, and we’d all be happier. Until then, you have to just to be smart and protect yourself. Before you swipe right, make sure to read his bio. Then, as you would in real life, have a conversation with him. Flirt, feel him out and don’t rush into dating him right away. And maybe, until men evolve their levels of emotional and sexual maturity, don’t set your expectations too high.
12. Negative Self-Chatter
Ugh, this one is so annoying! We, women, can be so self-deprecating. “Oh, I am so clumsy sometimes.” “If only I replaced my french fry habit with kale chips, my thighs wouldn’t be so big.” “Oh, sorry, silly me, I can be so stupid.” That last one really irks me. STOP APOLOGIZING FOR EVERYTHING! I know we have the habit of apologizing for everything all the time, basically down to our very existence. But it’s time to stop and realize how you are more than perfect the way you are. And if he doesn’t see that, he doesn’t deserve you anyway, and it’s his loss. But it is very possible you are turning him off with your constant negative self-chatter and self-shaming. Hun, it’s not a good look. It’s annoying, completely unnecessary and you’re giving off the impression of being incredibly insecure. Have more pride in yourself, be confident, show him that you have self-respect and that you know your worth. Now, that’s sexy.
11. Constantly Hooking Up During Netflix and Chill Dates
Netflix and chill is a bad enough expression that is overrated and overly accepted, even embraced these days. Don’t subscribe to it—let alone advocate it! I know you’re excited to be with him and want to be close to him. And hey, when he hits up your phone, even though he is not asking you out on a proper date, you know you’re about to get some action. And whats so wrong with that? Well, you’re not only making him lazy, causing him to think Netflix and chilling with you all the time is an acceptable courtship practice—you can be possibly even be pushing him away. You’re making yourself so easy and available, he will see no reason to take you out on a real date! But no, honey, you deserve so much better than that. Encourage the relationship to move off the couch and outside in the real world on proper dates. Have the full-fledged complete relationship you deserve.
10. False Advertising
The rise of all those makeover Apps is really to blame for this one. Tell me, if you could digitally plump up your lips a little bit and nip in you waist here and there, its hard to resist not perfecting yourself a little for your selfies. But there’s well, let’s say, an acceptable level of digital enhancement, which I guess there’s nothing wrong with, and then there’s just completely redoing yourself so that you look unrecognizable. That, my friend, is just false advertising. If you do this, you’re giving him the impression you look a certain way, and when he meets in you in real life, unfortunately, he may be disappointed or surprised to see how you really look like. So, don’t fall victim to this. Don’t go overboard with over-editing your looks, and take pride in your natural beauty. He should like you for you anyway. Otherwise, you know what to do—toss him, boo.
9. Talking More Than Listening
This one is actually helpful in most areas of life. Everyone likes a good listener. If you take the time to actually listen and consider what people say, it makes them feel welcome and comfortable around you. And please don’t do that annoying thing girls do, and pretend everything your date is saying is funny. Ugh, eww, just don’t. It’s so fake. Really, so many matters in life are more simple than we realize. Listen to your man, and show that you’re genuinely interested in what he has to say and ask him questions, so you can really get to know him. And when it comes time for you to speak, don’t share your entire life story. We women love to blab on and on, but really no one likes a blabber mouth. Men definitely enjoy a bubbly, fun-loving girl, but if you don’t know how to shut up, they will be very turned off by how ridiculously and excessively talkative you are. There, the rules of conversing 101, in a nutshell.
I totally understand the allure of a sexy man in control who knows what he wants and goes after it. After all, we women do enjoy being dominated and overpowered by a man lusting after us, exploding with passion. But there’s letting him wear the pants in an acceptable, sexy way and then there’s letting him take complete advantage of you. You do want him to lead the way in your courtship, taking you out on dates, possibly picking you and up and taking you home, etc. But that doesn’t mean you have to let him initiate everything in your relationship, including the hookups. It’s sexy when a woman shows her man that she’s interested in him and is not afraid to show just how much. You don’t have to wait for him to make the first move. And remember, he’s lucky to be with the amazing woman you are. Don’t let him have full control. Don’t be shy, show some moxie and assert yourself mid-hookup as well. Be vocal about what you want, and then allow him to give it to you!
7. Being Overly Generous
This one goes back to courtship. This can be a pretty controversial topic. Typically, according to traditional courting, the man always pays the bill on dates, especially early on in the relationship. And if the woman insists on paying, she is considered feminist or progressive. Interestingly enough, my friend posted about this topic on Facebook, asking for people’s opinions about who should pay on dates. She explained how on a recent date, when it came time to pay the bill, she reached over to look at it and her date, well…he didn’t stop her! He let her pay for her half. I think the general rule of thumb here is that it’s good to show consideration to your date for the cost of the dinner, but don’t let him take advantage of you. Don’t end up being overly generous and buying his love and affection. Yes, when the relationship advances into something more committed, you guys can become more on equal playing fields when it comes to paying for the check. But until, then…reach over for the bill…but don’t pay, and always say thanks.
6. Being A Slave To Your Emotions
Ah, this goes back to the rules of love and wooing, and how it’s is all one big game. So, what do you do? Don’t show all your cards right away, so you can always be on the winning side. I know you’re dying to just be real and open with your new man. And there’s nothing wrong with being in touch with your emotions, but don’t wear your heart so much on your sleeve right away, since you ‘re showing all of your insecurities. Just play it as cool as you can. If you are too honest and open about your feelings, yon can unfortunately come off as a clingy and desperate real fast. Yea, that’s not cute. You want to be more in control, and seem like you have your s*** together. That’s more attractive. But even more importantly, allowing your emotions to completely rule you leaves your heart wide open to getting hurt. So, tuck those mushy feelings back in for now, and let them flow back out…when the time is right.
5. Giving It All Up Right Away
Ah, the ageold, faithful conundrum. How long should you wait before you hookup? I know it can be hard to wait, the what is it?—5 to 10 dates, and be a proper lady and all, but this is important. You don’t want to mess this is up and give it all away too soon. Honestly, I think if a relationship is meant to be, it really doesn’t matter how the long the two of you waited. But that being said, it is sexy to wait a little and make him work for you. The truth is, men are all about the conquest, and once they have had you, especially if too soon, they can lose interest and move on to the next prospect. I mean, think about it. You know the saying: “No one wants to buy the cow if the milk is free”, right? So show him the prize you are, drive him crazy by making him wait for you, and, of course, you know the hookup will be better with all that built up tension and excitement. Can you say hot damn?
4. Begging Him To Like You
You know those kids in elementary school who would go up to their classmate and ask “Will you be my friend?” Did that tactic ever work? Yea, exactly. So, don’t engage in the same habit in your relationship. Don’t ask him to be your boyfriend—make him want to be your boyfriend, heck make him unable to resist making you his bae. How? Well, for starters, stop coming off so desperate and needy. It’s ok to be head over heels and show him how infatuated you are, but don’t give yourself up too easily to him or make yourself seem so accessible He will stop working so hard to impress and keep you, and this really insecure behavior is probably also pushing him away. And I know you may actually be insecure because you like him a lot and want this to work, and you’re feeling vulnerable. But have self-pride and know how much you’re worth. And for goodness sake, stop asking him if he thinks you’re pretty. He chose you to date, so, yes, he thinks you’re pretty. If you just have more self-confidence, he will be begging YOU to like him.
3. Overdressing
Relax. Stop driving yourself crazy, pulling apart your whole wardrobe to find the right outfit for your date with him. You know he likes you for you, and you could be wearing sweatpants and a baggy T-shirt, and he would be happy to get down with you. But of course, it’s fun to get dressed up and find that killer outfit that makes you look irresistible and feel absolutely amazing. But stop trying so hard. You know that if you wear anything too revealing you will end up in trampy territory. And needless to say, your epic bronze smokey eye, or contoured retro red matte lip will sadly go unnoticed and unappreciated. So, what does this mean? Your safest bet is to stick to a more down to earth, approachable style with a subtle splash of sex appeal, paired with a natural, fresh makeup look. Also keep in mind the importance of dressing appropriately for the occasion. If you and him are actually going to the opera, knock yourself out, go all out., But if you’re keeping it more low key, don’t overdress like you’re still going to the opera. Capiche?
2. Kissing With Tons Of Lipgloss/Lipstick On
If anyone knows me, they know how much I love my lippies. I love everything about them. Picking a new lipstick out, the dazzling colors and different textures, admiring good packaging and the process of applying it. And, of course, how good it makes me feel. But there’s glossing up your lips to look more alluring and then there’s smothering them with way too much product. Ladies, you know that your girlfriends notice and appreciate the bold lips more than your man does. Unfortunately, all that sticky product is a huge turn-off for your man, anyway! Hey, there’s nothing wrong with a good ol’ lip pampering sesh. By all means, get that lip scrub out, heck even douse them with a little bit of unicorn tears oil (trending all over Instagram), but don’t pile on too much lip product. Keep it simple and natural because if the hookup goes well, there shouldn’t be any product left on your lips anyway, if you get my drift….So, you’d be wasting product. Whatta shame!
I like me some fragrance. I love doing a little dabble here and there right before I leave my house in the morning, and I am always sure to tote one or two roller balls with me in my purse, so I can always smell good on the go. Depending on the kind of fragrance, we love how perfume can give us more pep in our step, energize us for the day or make us feel sexy and alluring. It gets us in touch with our womanhood and in the mood for some action. But there’s a spritz on your inner wrists, a spray on your neck and maybe the décolletage, and then there is dousing yourself in a whole bottle of perfume. Don’t be a fragrance rookie! Get to know that perfume well before your hookup so you know how potent it is. And have you heard of a little thing called pheromones? Honestly hun, you really don’t need that much because your man is already attracted to your pheromones and is into your natural smell. But yea, 1 or 2 sprays about 6 inches away from your body and that’s all you need!
By JANNA EPSTEIN for TheTalko