I’m not single. I’m not taken. I’m simply on reserve for the one who deserves my heart.” ~ Unknown
I’m not bitter or spiteful but seriously—I’m just going to start dating myself.
It’s not that I can’t find a date, but I don’t want to date just anyone.
The biggest problem is that I am happy just doing my own thing.
As true as this is though, I would welcome a man coming in and turning my world upside down and telling me once and for all how it was going to be played.
But no one is doing that right now, so rather than just wait around for a date, I’m going to live it up instead.
I am done with accepting less than what I want and deserve—and fortunately my bullsh*t radar is sensitive and I can spot the players and narcissists a mile away.
I can tell the difference in a man’s gaze and whether he is just after the curves of my body, or if it’s the bends in the road of my mind that he desires to traverse the most.
I know whether I am valued or just desired—and while I don’t want perfection or riches—I do need a man to be on his own game before he steps to me.
Because the thing is, I know that I am kind of a catch—and while the superficial doesn’t impress me—confidence and authenticity do.
That is why I have decided to just date myself.
I enjoy long evenings by myself, roaming through the market, stopping and smelling ripe fruits and planning meals that excite and delight my senses.
I love turning up the music in my house as loud as I want, and with an intoxicating sway in my hips I lick the delicious spices from my fingers while I cook—smiling simply because I am happy.
I don’t need someone to take me out and spend money on me to make me feel loved and until a man comes along who will be content watching me dance barefoot in the kitchen while I cook for us, I’m happy living a life I love.
I don’t need a man to take me out to a movie just so I am not alone.
The truth of it is—I rather like my own living room and my own company.
Because I’ve realized there is a big difference between being alone and being lonely.
I am alone.
I am single, and while I want a man in my life and know that in many ways I need one as well—I’m not lonely.
I have an amazing career, friends that never cease to amaze me with their love and support and a family who always has my back—but most importantly, I love myself too.
I’m not self-centered or self-absorbed saying this, but healthy.
Because if we haven’t fallen in love with ourselves—then how can we ever expect anyone else to?
I love my own company just fine—but more than that, I know myself.
In all of my quiet nights I have discovered who I am and how I like it.
I know all the ways that I like to spend my time and what type of foods are my favorites.
I know what I believe in and I know what kind of love I am hoping for.
And most importantly, I know what kind of woman I am.
So, while I am single for now, I’m good with it.
Because I know now that I don’t want just any man.
I want a warrior, a golden hearted king among men, who will be regarded because of his intentions and loyalty, his morals and his courage.
A man whose heart will be his greatest feature.
This man will stand in awe of me, yet have no problem telling me when I am wrong.
Because I know that I need an equal and until I get that I’m good being by myself.
I’m good with taking myself out on dates and getting away for romantic weekends where I can enjoy my own company and dream about the man who I will share all of my memories with someday.
There isn’t loneliness in dating myself—there’s peace because I am content in enjoying and living my life until someone comes along who wants to stake a claim in it for good.
Someone who will be proud to claim me as his woman—a man who will see that my heart is my greatest feature too.
And while my long hair may be soft against his bare chest, and my eyes may burn into his, it won’t be my physical features that he falls in love with.
Because the man who decides to finally step to me will have fallen in love with my mind—even the darkest corners that I used to be scared to show.
He’s going to be smitten by my eccentricities and my soul will take his breath away.
The man who will someday decide that even though he can’t exactly picture what his life will be like with me, he won’t be able to picture his life without me.
A man who will see that the only thing I can guarantee him is a love with a depth that he has never known.
And I won’t be perfect or well behaved all of the time and it’s a guarantee that I will make mistakes.
But, I will offer him a complete woman to complement his life—because now is when I am doing the work.
I have spent time alone, dating myself and all of my amazingness.
So, that one day—when a man finally steps to me with stars in his eyes and blatant intentions in his hands, my only choice will be to grasp a hold of him and hold on tight.
But, until that happens—I have made the choice to stay true to my heart.
And just date myself.