This Is Exactly What It Feels Like To Be The Girl Who Is Always Pretending To Be OK

Could she be depressed? No, of course not. She’s always happy.

Everyone thinks you’re happy.

Could she be depressed?

Of course not. She’s always laughing.

Most of the time, the thought doesn’t even cross their minds. I always look happy. I always look like I’m enjoying life and that I am strong and that I have it all together. I don’t look like I’m falling apart. I don’t act like I’m falling apart. I don’t act like I’m exhausting myself trying to keep it together all of the time.

That’s why this article is probably the hardest, most personal article I’ve ever written. I don’t even know if I’ll publish it, but my guess is that if you’re reading this now, I’ve let my walls down a little bit and hit the publish button. It’s probably a dumb idea, but here goes nothing.

Being the girl who is ‘always OK’, is not OK. If that girl exists somewhere, props to her, because let me tell you, it is exhausting.

I can tell you about the girl who’s been diagnosed with depression and anxiety, takes meds, and still tries to pretend like none of it exists. That’s me.

Being the girl who is always pretending to be OK is feeling like you can never ask for help. It’s feeling like if you let down your guard for a second, people will think you’re crazy. It’s hoping that people don’t think you’re seeking attention, if you ever touch the surface of the topic. It’s defending mental illness in the most passive way, as to not accept that you struggle with it to. It’s constantly trying to come up for air, when everyone thinks that you’re floating. It’s constantly giving your time and effort to other people, because you don’t want them to feel half as bad as you do.

This girl is exhausted. I am exhausted.

But just look at my Instagram, right?

I look happy. I’m trendy. My captions are cool. I’m carefree and cool, right?

Wrong.

This is the image that social media has painted on us. It has given us this idea that we can look at other people’s lives through a lense and crop out the imperfections and blur out the flaws.

I’ve found that the perfect girl simply just doesn’t exist.

(If she does, bring her to me because I’d like to know her secret).

Find that friend that’s always okay. Ask her if she’s okay.

You might be surprised by the answer.

By Abbey Marzen for TheOdysseyOnline

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