He’s the worst… JK (but not really).
So you’ve met a guy. He’s got a smile that’s blinding and a penis that can perform minor miracles. He likes all the same stuff that you like, except for those one or two things that don’t matter so much and keep the conversation interesting anyway. You’ve stayed up talking all night long.
Basically, it’s a match made in heaven — except for one super annoying thing…
You’ve texted him like you usually do, and now he’s not texting you back.
There’s nothing more frustrating than meeting someone great, thinking you made a connection and then discovering that the dude in question has no intention of ever getting in contact with you again.
Actually, scratch that. There is one thing that’s more frustrating: when the man who isn’t returning your text has officially become known as your boyfriend.
Hell, half the reason women get boyfriends is so we won’t have to ever again call a friend moaning, “Why won’t he text me back?”
When you’re single, playing games (while the worst) is actually pretty typical. It’s all part of the courtship, a kind of dance we do to make our lives into the romantic comedy/drama of our choice. It’s fun and it’s thrilling, but it’s also exhausting. But once you and your man have achieved boyfriend-and-girlfriend status, all that drama should just naturally fall away.
Unfortunately, life doesn’t always work out that way.
Could it be that his phone really is dead? Could he really still have a flip phone?
Could his great uncle really be in the hospital? Sure, totally. But most of the time when a text message is sent and then met with silence, it’s because the person who read that message is choosing not to answer right away.
Your boyfriend shouldn’t have to text you back the second he gets each text, obviously. After all, he could be doing something like driving or performing brain surgery.
But, part of the agreement two people make they enter into a relationship together is that they will support each other and that they will be there for each other. If we want to keep the bar nice and low: agreeing to be someone’s boyfriend means you want to be around them sometimes and hear what you have to say in addition to just having sex with you.
In order to get to the bottom of this mystery that is so often on the minds of so much of woman-kind, I asked a group of anonymous men to weigh in on the question: “Why would a guy stop texting a woman back?” By and large, everything they had to say on the subject came down to one of two reasons.
So if you’re wondering why he hasn’t texted you back, check out these two possible answers and if either makes sense for your particular relationship.
1. He doesn’t want to see you anymore.
If your boyfriend has gone radio silent and you know he hasn’t been involved in an auto accident, it’s quite possible he is attempting to break up with you by simply disappearing, i.e., he’s ghosting you. It’s immature, it’s cowardly, and you deserve so much more, but in any case, it’s what’s happening.
Here’s what some of the men who responded to my question had to say about it:
“This relationship is over. That’s what he’s saying. He’s just too cowardly to say it out loud and he just wants you to do it.”
“I shirk text messages from women when I want OUT.”
“The main reason probably would be that he didn’t like you as much as he thought he would. I know it sucks, but at least he’s not wasting more of your time.”
“Could be he just isn’t that into you.”
“Guys with many options usually won’t do a second date if they don’t get sex on the first date.”
“It simply wasn’t as good for him as it was for you. If he was into you, he would have texted you back.”
“It can be many reasons. The reasons I stop calling or texting a girl vary. Could be that he just wasn’t into you so much, other than for sex. He achieved his goal and now he’s making his disappearing act.”
“He just wanted sex, obviously. And for the record, girls sometimes stop texting guys too when they don’t want sex or a relationship anymore.”
“If she texts me once, and then, before I have responded, texts several more times or messages me via some other means like Facebook, I definitely pause and start to consider ghosting her.”
2. He’s too emotionally immature to have a conversation with you about something that’s on his mind.
Then are those moments when he doesn’t know how to talk to you, and he can’t, or he doesn’t want to, bother learning a better way to approach things. At least, not as far as where you are concerned.
Here’s how my guy respondents responded:
“If I’m attracted to someone else, I may put someone else on hold for a little while.”
“It could be anything, but being needy or annoying would be top of my list.”
“If someone goes MIA for reasons out of their control, they get back in touch and go ‘Holy shit, I am so sorry. What happened is…’ They willingly explain themselves, their reasons sound logical, and they offer apologies. If they don’t do that, they’re just being totally immature.”
“Maybe he was ‘shrooming and took way too much. Either that or he didn’t want to be reached at the moment. Either way, he should just tell you what’s going on.”
“When I don’t text someone back it’s because I straight up don’t want to talk to them at the moment.”
“The only time I will ignore a text from a woman is when there’s something big to talk about and I know I’m not ready yet.”
“He probably just wants to hang with his friends and party for a while.”
“Some people (mistakenly) think that waiting for ages before answering makes them seem cooler.”
Both of these reasons are sucky as hell.
And I’m sure they’re not easy to hear from some random woman on the internet like me!
Just remember that if a man is interested in pursuing a long-term relationship with you, he’s going to do the heavy lifting that comes with that. And frankly, possessing the basic ability to communicate one’s needs and personal struggles should be a bare minimum requirement when it comes to engaging in even entry level intimacy with someone.
Not. Your. Loss.