The Not-So-Great Alter Ego’s of Each Zodiac Sign

Ta da! The Alter Ego of each sign! Try not to take this one personally guys. It’s all in good fun, right? 

Aries – Everyone knows you as a pretty fun and easy-going person. You like to appear the least complicated. You tout how you are drama-free but adventurous, trying new things. Your alter ego is the Couch Potato. You’re plenty complicated, so vegging out and not thinking about things is awesome. Doing things all the time? No. You spend many a night munching mindlessly on snacks while catching up on your plethora of favourite shows. You are not ashamed of what you’re really like, but everyone doesn’t have to know your business.

Taurus

Everyone knows you as a hopeless romantic and a lover of the finer things in life. You are that snob who knows the difference between the 97 and the 98 of that merlot. Your alter ego is the Slob. Sophisticated? Psh. You’re gross, man. Ever read Catcher in the Rye? The part where Holden describes his roommate using a cruddy razor? Well, you wouldn’t use a cruddy razor, but you are most likely standing there shaving in the bathroom where you just took a massive dump and didn’t use any air freshener in lieu of dowsing yourself with cologne that nobody likes but you. Your nice clothes and elitist persona are to cover up all your nasty habits. (Taking a dump isn’t a nasty habit; it’s just a fact of life, but not taking care of the smell is just rude.)

Gemini

Your sign by default is a freaking alter ego, but I’ll give you one anyway. Everyone knows you as a fun, charming, and gregarious goofball. You are good at communicating and building those networks of people. Your alter ego is the Recluse. You don’t like people as much as you say you do. What you really like is adoration, but friendship is a two way street, and you get exhausted by giving to your lesion of fans. Yeah, I meant to write lesion. Get it?! You disappear frequently, but somehow nobody realizes it because they are used to only seeing you occasionally due to your demanding social schedule…or so they think.

Cancer

Everyone knows you as a sweet, caring, and considerate person. You are generous in spirit, and have a sensitive soul. Your alter ego is the Narcissist. Sorry, Cancer, despite being a loving Water sign, you are still on the first half of the zodiac, which means you are all about yourself. All those nice things you do for people is a way to get people to like you. You are all those things everyone knows you as, but your intentions aren’t, so that side of you stands on shaky ground. You are so nice that you feel entitled to the world being nice to you, too. Your sensitivity makes you more reactive than most to the world not being fair and people not being as nice to you as you are to them.

Leo

Everyone knows you as the center of attention. You are a huge personality who knows how to command a room. When you’re happy, you’re the best person anyone could know. When you’re mad, you’re pretty fucking scary. Your alter ego is the Simpleton. On the outside, you are a huge celebrity. On the inside, you are one of the simple folk. You are just like the most average person, but you know how to project a persona bigger than yourself and put on a show. Deep down your wants are quite simple. You want to survive, and you want to be loved. You just learned early on that to get those things, you need to give people someone more than you are.

Virgo

Everyone knows you as the responsible one. You are organized and helpful. You do what needs to be done, especially if that means being the martyr. You like to take on the difficult roles. Your alter ego is the Trainwreck. When you don’t have it together, wow. If one thing falls apart, YOU fall apart. Being a Mutable sign means you can go with the flow, but you let yourself smack into a lot of rocks along the way once you start drowning in your problems.

Libra

Everyone knows you as the classy lover of beauty. You want everything to be in balance and harmony. Your alter ego is the Extremist. Sometimes your idea of balance and harmony are a bit off. Your passion for beauty translates into a passion for other things, and by passion I mean intensity, and by intensity I mean you can go batshit crazy for something you believe in and develop rather extreme opinions.

Scorpio

Everyone knows you as the soulful enigma. You’re sexy and brooding. You have a lot of depth. Your alter ego is the Square. You are not as much of a freak as people think you are. You enjoy rules and routine. There is something alluring about having a normal desk job and a boring marriage. You’re into retro and vintage stuff because you like tradition. Fitting in is great because being unique and original means sticking out like a sore thumb.

Sagittarius

Everyone knows you as the artsy, free-spirit. People like being around you because they think the close proximity to you makes them interesting as well. Idiots, I know, right? Your alter ego is the Spiteful Bitch. Your Fire side trumps the Mutable side in this case. You seemingly roll with the punches, but you hold a grudge like no other. Everything needs to be on your terms. You truly can let the little things go, but little is subjective. What others might see as little are gigantic to you and deserve all of your attention and hours of obsessing. There’s a reason you light up so much. It keeps the Hulk at bay.

Capricorn 

Everyone knows you…haha, no, they don’t. If people think they know you, you purposely think and reason or even change so that they are wrong. No one is going to put you in a box. Your alter ego is the Fact That You Put Yourself in a Box. You need to be something, so that you’re not something else. You don’t want to be the wrong thing, and you always want to be a step ahead. No one can figure you out because you can’t even figure yourself out. There’s no alter ego to that.

Aquarius 

Everyone knows you as the innovator. You always seem to know where you’re going, and if you don’t know how to get there, you hide it well. You exude an effortless confidence like you really know what you’re doing in life. Your alter ego is the Wanderer. You actually have no idea what you’re doing. Just like everyone else, you weren’t given a manual on how to navigate through life. You’re just super lucky! You keep a lot of stuff private, so no one knows your secrets because you don’t have any. You don’t know what you’re doing. You fuck up all the time. Somehow nobody knows.

Pisces

Everyone knows you as the passive wallflower who is a great listener. You’ll go with anything, and you try not to step on any toes. People come to you for advice or rather just to hear themselves talk without just talking to themselves. Your alter ego is the Jerk. When people talk at you all the time and interrupt anytime you speak, it is difficult to keep caring about what other people have to say. In secret, you’re not listening. You’re daydreaming. You’re making lists. You’re sleeping with your eyes open. No one notices because they’re all jerks, too. You kind of hate everybody at least a little bit.

From The Earth Tribe

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