My past experiences affect my relationships…what can I do?

Ever have a parent that you thought wanted you until one day they realized you were no longer good enough for them? Did they hurt you in any way shape or form?

Did what they do to you affect how you are in the world today?

Well I am here to say it can get better but the road it not an easy road. My father was the abusive type till recently he decided one day to disown me and that I was no longer useful to him. I am married to my husband and we have only been married for a year but the stuff my father has done to me has put damage into my marriage from the traumatic experiences I went through.

If you have gone through this yourself than you know what I mean, Sometimes the way your partner treats you may remind you of a way your parent did and you fall back into that moment and the flashbacks start to flood in and you find yourself into a panic. Ever notice how your partner reacts to them? It can be hard to explain things to your partner for if they have not experience these things themselves than it is hard for them to understand what is going on in your head.

Do you find it hard to explain to your partner on why you are feeling a certain way and you want to tell them what you are thinking about or how you feel but you know the results, either a fight or an argument. I found these ways can help if you and your partner are willing to take these steps.

1. Heart to Heart– It never hurts to have a heart to heart and talk about the situation at hand or past ones. It’s good to air out the dirty laundry and try to build on those things and what you both need to work together on.

2. Therapy– Couples therapy or even just going by yourself is a healthy way of talking about things. If your partner chooses not to go but you still want to make an appointment for yourself and talk about the focal points of what is going on.

3. Keep a diary– If you are not comfortable going to see someone writing is also a good way to let things out. You can always write your partner a letter on what had happen to you and how you feel about things you do or what they do as they say the pen is mightier than the sword.

4. Talk to someone who has also been through it– sometimes the best people who understand what you had gone through are people who went through it themselves. Find out how they handled certain things that affected their relationships and how they bettered themselves to fight for who they love.

It’s a hard reality to face but you do lose a lot of people when they can’t understand something someone else has been through. I’ve lost many people along the way on my road of life but maybe it was for the better. The only one that matters to me right now is making sure my marriage will not fall apart over the fact I’ve had an abusive past, I want my husband to have everything he’s ever wants in his life but my past and how it hurts me is holding back from his dreams coming true. If you have someone like that and you do not want to those them trying doing one of these 4 steps.

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