For me, one of the harder aspects of living with depression is the fact that I am always exhausted. Nothing ever seems to quell the exhaustion. I try to get a good night’s sleep and eat healthy, limit my caffeine intake, etc., but I am always, always exhausted. There are some weekends when I sleep in and take a nap during the day. And yet, when it comes to bedtime, I have no problems falling asleep.
I went away a few months ago with my writing group for our bi-annual writing retreat. The reason for this retreat is to write without the usual distractions that we would have if we were writing at home. About 3:00 p.m. that Saturday, I knew I would have to lay down for a little while. The next morning, one the guys made a comment about my mid-afternoon nap. I said nothing to him, but his comment bothered me.
That weekend was not the first time I’ve had to reduce or cancel previously made weekend plans because of exhaustion. I used to volunteer for an organization that met a few times a year on Sunday morning. After the second cancellation because of exhaustion, I stopped volunteering with them altogether. I simply did not have the energy to wake up on time. There are times when I have to force myself to get out of the house on the weekend, otherwise I will do almost nothing but nap and take care of a few errands.
I was sick with a cold a two weeks ago. I spent two days on my couch, sleeping. I realized that if I let myself, I would sleep all day long, every day. But I can’t. I have a job I need to go to five days a week, family and friends to see and a life to live. I just wish I wasn’t so exhausted all of the time.