I Hate Being Single But I Know It’s Good For Me

I haven’t really dated anyone since I was in high school. I’ve been on dating sites and I’ve gone out with colleagues and mutual friends once or twice, but nothing has ever stuck. It kinda sucks sometimes, but with my lifestyle and goals, I know being single is probably for the best.

1. IT GETS REALLY LONELY SOMETIMES.

I really wish I had someone who was my go-to person to talk to, do fun things with, and call on when times get rough. I want someone I can depend on for anything and someone to wake up next to every morning. Not having that can get really lonely. Most nights, I end up just watching Netflix alone.

2. I HATE BEING AROUND HAPPY COUPLES BECAUSE I’M NOT PART OF ONE.

What makes the loneliness worse is seeing everyone around me in happy relationships. Right now, most of my friends are in relationships, so when we hang out, it usually means I’m third wheeling. This can be frustrating when I’m relying on my friends to keep me company instead of a partner and while it’s not their fault, it still sucks.

3. IT MAKES ME FEEL LIKE SOMETHING’S WRONG WITH ME.

It’s been so long since I’ve been in a relationship that sometimes I feel like there’s something wrong with me. I’ll spend nights staring at my ceiling, wondering why nobody wants to date me. It can get pretty depressing, but I need to realize that there are many reasons I’m single that have nothing to do with being defective or inadequate.

4. I FEEL LIKE I’M TOO YOUNG TO REALLY HAVE A RELATIONSHIP THAT WILL LAST.

At this point in my life, any relationship I have likely won’t end in marriage. I’m in a transitional phase of life and so is everyone else my age. It wouldn’t make sense for me to get into a serious relationship because chances are, it’ll end with one of us leaving for a job or grad school. I don’t want to be held back by a relationship.

5. I’M A STUBBORNLY INDEPENDENT PERSON.

As nice as it would be to have that one person I can depend on, I don’t really need it. I can take care of myself and actually prefer it that way. I also need the ability to do whatever I want whenever I want. I don’t want to have to think about how all of my actions will affect another person right now.

6. BECAUSE OF SCHOOL, I DON’T KNOW WHERE I’M GOING TO BE IN A YEAR.

I’m currently finishing my undergraduate degree and I have no idea what I’m going to do when I graduate, but that’s not important right now. I do know that there’s a good chance I’m not going to be in the same place I am now. I could take a job on the other side of the country, and I know it wouldn’t be fair to a partner to just take off after establishing a committed relationship with them.

7. I DON’T KNOW WHO I’M GOING TO BE IN A YEAR.

I’m young and constantly evolving and I probably won’t be the same person in a year that I am right now. I’m going to learn new things and get new perspectives on life. Who I am and what I want in a relationship might change, and I don’t want to change having someone fall for me only to become a totally different person down the line.

8. TAKING CARE OF MYSELF IS A BIGGER PRIORITY RIGHT NOW.

This time in my life should be used to focus on myself. I have my own issues that I need to work out and I don’t want to drag other people into them. I want to make sure I’m the best version of myself before I get into a serious relationship.

9. I’M HAVING FUN JUST DOING ME RIGHT NOW.

Despite the occasional bout of loneliness, I’m having some fun just doing what I want. I don’t need to make sacrifices for anyone or worry about what they think or feel about me. If I want to go out and party, I can. If I want to not talk to anyone for three days, I can do that too. I get to focus my time and energy exactly where I want it: on myself.

10. I CAN HOOK UP WITH WHOEVER I WANT. 

While dating apps haven’t helped me find a date, they have helped me hook up with some pretty hot people. Hookup culture isn’t for everyone, but I love it. It adds some variety to my sex life—or at least a crazy story for my friends.

11. IT’S BETTER TO LET LOVE FIND ME.

Chasing love never works. I should know—I’ve been doing it for years. I’ve put so much time and effort into dating apps and meet-ups while trying to find a relationship, but I’ve had very little luck and all it’s done is made me depressed. It’s better for me to sit back and wait. It’ll come when it’s meant to.

By Cassandra Hedrick for Bolde

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