God, I’m Trusting You To Fight My Battles When I Can’t

Some days I’m strong and capable of fighting my own battles. The battles in my head. The battles in my heart. The small battles I fight every day between the moment I wake up till the moment I fall asleep but some days I just can’t lift a finger, some days I can’t even find my sword and some days I forget what it takes to fight. I forget what I need to do to believe again. 

So on these days. I’m trusting you.

I’m trusting you to fight the battles I can no longer fight, to finish these battles for me, to help ease the pain of fighting all alone. I’m trusting you to protect me from the things I’m not prepared for and shield me from the unpleasant surprises of life and people. 

I’m trusting you to protect my heart when it’s tired, confused and broken. I’m trusting you to give my heart a break and open a door that leads to happiness. I’m trusting you to detach my heart from all the battles it’s going to lose. I’m trusting you to win this time. I’m giving all my power to you.

I’m trusting you to send me good people in my life — guardian angels who will heal my broken heart and help me trust again. People who will help me heal. People who will not destroy me. I’m trusting you to bring the right people into my life because I’ve only been picking people who hurt me, people who betray me and people who leave me alone as soon as I’m on the battlefield.

I’m trusting you because I can’t fight anymore. Alone or with people. I’m trusting you because I don’t even know how to pick my battles anymore and I am exhausted. I’m drained. I’m tired of trying to prove people wrong. I’m tired of making the wrong decisions. I’m tired of the same vicious cycle that I keep finding myself in. I’m tired of the same ending.

I’m trusting you because I thought I could do it on my own and I thought I had the tools to win the war but now I don’t know if I can use them wisely. I don’t know if my mind is clear enough to think of a strategy. I don’t know if my heart can take any more stabs. I’m running out of band-aids to cover all these wounds.

I’m trusting you because at the end of the day, I know you’re the only one who can help me. You’re the only one I trust by my side. Everyone else is flakey. Everyone else is weak. Everyone else is just as lost and confused. And you always know. You always have the answers. You always have the key. You can turn any disappointment, any loss, any mess into something wonderful. You can turn everything around. You are my victory and I am counting on you to fight the rest of my battles because I can’t anymore.

This is where I stop. This is where I put all my faith in you and ask you to fix all the broken pieces. To transform everything I’ve ruined. To heal every place that hurts. To grant me the wishes I’ve been praying for.

I’m trusting you to fight my battles because this is what I should have done a long time ago instead of depending on anyone other than you, including myself. 

By Rania Naim for ThoughtCatalog

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