People keep asking me why I’m so pessimistic about love. Honestly, I don’t get how they’re not. People suck—men and women, myself included—and it feels like relationships aren’t about love anymore, they’re about power and control. I keep trying to convince myself that maybe I’ll meet someone different, but every time I do, I end up regretting it when I experience these things.
1. CHEATERS CHEATING
Is anyone faithful anymore?! Seriously, the line between cheating and technically staying faithfulseems to be way too arbitrary. For me, cheating is communicating (in a non-platonic way) with someone who isn’t your significant other. But for the guy with the girlfriend who keeps blowing up my phone, cheating is a physical act, so him telling me how much he likes me and how much he wishes he wasn’t in a relationship isn’t cheating, it’s just normal chit-chat. It’s total BS.
2. GAMES, GAMES, GAMES
Everyone plays games, whether they know it or want to admit it or not—and in my experience, guys play the biggest games. I think it’s because they’re incredibly insecure and they’re also insecure about being insecure so they play manipulative mind games to make sure they aren’t the ones getting hurt in the end.
3. THE INABILITY TO COMMUNICATE EFFECTIVELY
Texting a new guy is fun, but that fun usually stops once I meet up with him in person. For whatever reason, it’s as if guys completely forget how to go from texting to talking in real life. Every first date I’ve been on feels like I’m exchanging words with a complete stranger, which is ridiculous because I usually talk to each guy for a cool minute before we meet up. I know they can’t reallyknow me just by texting, but they don’t have to act like I’m some random they picked up off the street.
4. FEAR OF COMMITMENT
This seems to be the overall theme lately. I used to take it personally when a guy would break up with me or ghost me out of nowhere, but now I know it’s never about me. (I mean, maybe sometimes it is, but that’s the exception rather than the rule.) It’s usually all about fear. Men and women are so afraid of being hurt that they avoid commitment altogether. They make up excuses for why they can’t date, but really they’re just afraid.
5. HOW DIFFICULT IT IS TO MEET PEOPLE
Where do people meet people?! Finding new people to hang out with and date is a freakin’ challenge because unless you have a job that has you always traveling, odds are you’re seeing the same folk every day. No wonder those super seniors never want to graduate college—that’s the place to be! I’m tired of striking up conversations with random people and hoping they eventually ask for my number, especially since I know that if they do, they’ll only disappoint me in the long run.
6. INCREDIBLY SPECIFIC (AND OFTEN UNREALISTIC) STANDARDS
No one wants to commit and yet people have ridiculously high, incredibly unrealistic dating standards. I used to hang out with this guy I thought I was dating… until we were out with a group of friends and he literally said, “I only date really skinny, blonde white girls with a good following on Instagram.” I am a normal-sized black girl with a piss poor following on Instagram. Uh, what?
7. PEOPLE LYING TO MY FACE
It’s way too easy for people to lie nowadays. I think it’s mainly because a lot of talking is done from our phones, where we can safely type out as much BS as we want without having to look someone in the face. Still, it’s amazing how many guys have told me they liked me TO MY FACE only to ghost me the next day or several days later. You know what, “amazing” isn’t the right word — it’s nuts, like legit psychotic, how people can lie so casually.
8. WILDLY DIFFERING PRIORITIES
Right now, people my age are trying to get their careers and overall lives together. This makes complete sense to me. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with making work a priority right now. With that said, I get really upset with guys who know damn well that they can’t make me a priority in their lives but act like they can, and trick me into thinking they can, until a few months into the relationship when they stop calling and seeing me as much. Finally, they tell me they’re “too busy with work to date right now.” Uh, so why the hell did they start something with me in the first place???
9. EVERYONE’S “ISSUES”
One thing I’ve recently learned is that everyone and their mother has issues, and as I approach my mid-20s, it seems like the guys I’m interested in (who are also in their 20s) have the most issues. I don’t know if it’s from their past relationships or if they just have some hardcore “mommy/daddy issues” but they’re crazy. And the worst part is that they don’t think they’re broken so they keep doing the same unstable crap.
10. MY FRIENDS’ HORROR STORIES
It’s not just me with the horrible dating stories, most of my friends have some too. Why? Because most guys are really crappy nowadays (or maybe they always have been, who knows?). I’m not the only one having a terrible time dating and interacting with men, everyone is! You probably are too, right?